


Help you heal

by kellsbells



Series: State of Love and Trust [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Did I Mention Angst?, F/F, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Illness, Kryptonite cancer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2019-07-15 23:52:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 28,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16074008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kellsbells/pseuds/kellsbells
Summary: Six years ago, Lena Luthor and Supergirl clashed over Kryptonite and Worldkillers, resulting in Lena leaving National City and never returning. Lena has a new life, but though it all seems perfect, nothing ever really is. She gets a call from an old friend and her life begins to change, whether she wants it to or not.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> A few people have asked for more of this story, and being the idiot that I am, I decided to write some more. Be aware that while I am posting the first chapter now, I have a few other WIPs and I want to get at least one of them finished soon, so don't expect another chapter anytime soon - this is just a taster. I hope you enjoy. 
> 
> BTW Caoimhe is pronounced Kee-Va in Northern Ireland, and Kwee-Va in the South. Since Kwee-Va sounds like queef, I'm sticking with the NI version in my head.

* * *

Lena took off her goggles and wiped a little sweat from her forehead, then rubbed her eyes. The lab was keeping her busy, now that she had come up with some new ideas about how to programme the nanites from her former research with Jack. She’d kept her promise to herself, the one she made when Lex was dragged to jail, raving and bleeding. She’d changed the world. She’d launched transmat portals across the world, a version of the Daxamite birthing pods for same-sex couples and those with fertility problems, and a medical device that regenerated skin and muscle, even bone, revolutionising plastic surgery and emergency medicine in one fell swoop. Then there was a the SpheerTM , named in honour of Jack, which cost only a few dollars to make and been widely available within months, giving everyone in the world access to clean water, simply harvested from the atmosphere. It had been a long six years since she broke up L-Corp and moved to Switzerland to start off her own company, a science and technology company with a mission statement banning any and all weapon development. She figured, after achieving all she’d achieved in those six years, that it was time to try and make Jack’s dream a reality. 

 

She tried not to think of what had prompted her move. It still hurt, fiercely, even after all this time. There was one face she never let herself think about, one voice she never dwelled on. One person she tried not to spend any time thinking about, because to do so was to take a step backwards, and Lena was, and had always been, about forward motion.

 

Forward motion had served her well, thus far, she mused, as she stepped into the elevator and headed upstairs to the penthouse. The elevator opened to screams, and though she tensed, her fight-or-flight instinct kicking in, her body quickly relaxed and a genuine smile crossed her face. She stepped out of the elevator.

 

“Who on earth is making all of that noise?” she said, with a hint of steel in her voice.

 

There was complete silence for a moment, and a tiny voice piped up.

 

“Nobody made noise, it was a… giraffe,” her daughter supplied, creatively.

 

“Did you know, Caoimhe, that giraffes don’t typically dwell in the woods outside of Zürich?” She posed her question to empty air.

 

There was a sigh of disgust from behind her. She turned to find her little girl standing behind her, looking dejected.

 

“No, I did not know that,” Caoimhe said. Lena had chosen the name carefully, to avoid any aberrations like her own middle name, which had somehow ended up being Kieran, despite that being an Irish boy’s name. She’d almost have preferred Lutessa, which was Lillian’s first preference, according to Lex.

 

“So what do you say to me?” Lena said, crossing her arms and tapping a foot slightly impatiently.

 

“I’m sorry, Mummy, for lying to you,” her daughter said, in her sweetest voice.

 

“Are lies good for us, Caoimhe Luthor?” Lena asked.

 

“No, Mummy,” Caoimhe said.

 

“So are you going to tell me the truth?” Lena asked, looking down at her daughter kindly.

 

“I was screaming because Rosie was chasing me with the tickles,” Caoimhe said, somewhat chastened.

 

“Okay sweetcheeks. Was that so hard?” Lena asked, kneeling down to look her daughter in the eye.

 

“No,” Caoimhe said, biting her lip and looking down at her feet.

 

“Okay. So let’s not lie any more, shall we?” Lena said briskly.

 

Caoimhe nodded and Lena opened her arms, taking in a deep breath as her daughter ran into them, tiny arms wrapping around Lena’s neck.

 

“I missed you, Mummy,” she said.

 

“I missed you too, sweetcheeks,” Lena said, squeezing her little girl as tightly as she dared. She never would have had this without what happened 6 years ago. Without… her, and what she did. She never would have met Colin, never would have married him, never would have had a daughter who she loved more than anyone in the world. Sure, she and Colin divorced not long after Caoimhe was born, but it was amicable, both parties realising that they didn’t really feel as strongly about each other as they had first thought, and that Caoimhe was the only reason they wanted to stay together. Colin still saw his daughter often, and she loved her daddy. But Lena was the real parent, and she couldn’t be happier.

 

They ate a quiet dinner together with Rosie, Caoimhe’s nanny, and afterwards they had ice cream and Lena read her daughter the story of Oisín in Tír na nÓg, an old traditional Irish folk story. As an adult, it was slightly creepy, but Lena remembered her mother reading this and other stories to her when before she ended up with the Luthors. Soon enough Caoimhe was fast asleep, thumb in her mouth, a habit Lena hadn’t had the heart to break her of. She was only 4 years old; she’d probably be embarrassed out of it by her peers at some point. For now, if it was comforting, it was okay by Lena.

 

Lena was watching television aimlessly a few hours later when her cellphone rang. It was a National City number, and she ignored it, but it started ringing again seconds later. She picked it up, sighing.

 

“Lena?”

 

The voice was frantic, and familiar, but she couldn’t place it.

 

“Who is this?” she asked, crisply, ready to hang up.

 

“Alex Danvers,” the voice said, before breaking. Then she was listening to sobbing, and Lena’s blood went cold.

 

“Alex, what is it?”

 

“It’s… it’s Kara,” Alex sobbed out.

 

“I’m sorry, Alex, but I told you when I left that I never…”

 

“Lena, she’s got hours. She asked to see you, to say goodbye. If you hate her that much that you won’t even say goodbye, do it for me. Do it for Sam, and Ruby, and all of us who still care for her. Please.”

 

Lena’s heart stuttered. She didn’t want to have anything to do with Kara, that was true, but to let her die thousands of miles away while ignoring her last request – well, that just wasn’t something she could do.

 

“I’ll come. Where?” she asked, briskly.

 

“Transmat to these co-ordinates,” Alex said, reeling off a series of numbers.

 

“Done. I’ll see you soon, Alex,” Lena said, trying to be comforting, but not particularly succeeding. She looked down at her clothing, seeing that she was wearing sweatpants and a loose t-shirt. She fidgeted with her clothing absently, before discarding the useless worry about what she looked like. She marched into the kitchen finding Rosie making herself a hot chocolate.

 

“Rosie, I’m sorry for the late notice, but I have to go to National City,” Lena said.

 

Her daughter’s nanny looked at her curiously.

 

“Is everything okay?” she asked, plainly worried about Lena.

 

Lena waved it off.

 

“A little of my past coming back to haunt me,” she said, waving a hand in dismissal. “I don’t know how long I’ll be. If I’m not back tonight, then it might be a few days. I’ll contact you, or someone will, as soon as we know more.”

 

“Okay, Lena,” the nanny whispered, concerned. “Be careful, will you?”

 

“I will,” Lena said, nodding decisively. She went to grab a pair of sneakers and a few new devices she’d been working on, medical scanners and such that she hadn’t gone public with yet. She went to Caoimhe’s room and kissed her daughter on the forehead, stroking her hair for a moment while she gazed at the little girl who was the centre of her life. Then she stepped into the transmat room, closing the door behind her and typing the co-ordinates into the touchpad. The familiar purple energy washed across the archway, and she stepped through it.

 

She was in the DEO, and Alex, her face tear-stained, was waiting for her. She rushed forward into Lena’s arms, hitting her hard enough to knock the wind out of her, and Lena hesitantly put her arms around her old friend. Or whatever she was.

 

“What’s happened, Alex?” she said, truly puzzled. There were other DEO agents standing around, the usual guards with their futuristic weapons, all looking much more solemn than usual.

 

“She got cancer,” Alex said. “From Kryptonite exposure.”

 

Lena flinched. After all, Kryptonite had been central to her disagreement with Kara. The idea that she might have contributed to her… to Kara’s death did not sit well with her.

 

“It wasn’t anything to do with you,” Alex said, against her shoulder. “It was one of Lex’s old sidekicks, from before he ended up in Cell Block X. This guy, he had her for a month, and he injected her with Kryptonite every single day, tormenting her with different types and leaving her in constant agony. She had some therapy for the mental trauma, after, and we thought the physical damage was fixed. And then she started to cough, and… then there was blood. We tried everything. We tried… We fucking time travelled, we crossed into alternate worlds. There’s… there was nothing we could do. She can’t talk anymore. But she asked me to call you, if it seemed like it was the end. She wanted to apologise.”

 

“It’s not necessary,” Lena said, stiff despite herself. “I moved on a long time ago, Alex.”

 

“I know,” Alex said, drawing back and away from Lena. She looked her in the eye, however, and Lena couldn’t look away. “This isn’t for you. It’s for her. She wants to apologise before she goes into Rao’s light.”

 

“Okay,” Lena said, shifting uncomfortably. She lifted an eyebrow at Alex.

 

“Let’s go, then,” Alex said, looking at her in a way that made Lena feel a little ashamed of herself. But she squared her shoulders and followed Alex through the DEO, taking note of how sombre each and every agent looked.

 

The med bay was almost the same as the last time Lena had seen it, and her mind wandered back to those days, to Sam writhing in the grip of black Kryptonite, splitting into two people, stark fear on one face and rage on the other. Thank god it had worked.

 

Kara was in the corner, inside what might as well have been a sarcophagus. There was a plastic window on the top, and as Lena looked in she saw that Kara was tiny inside it, a tube in her throat helping her breathe. She didn’t look anything like either of the women she’d known, not strong Supergirl or bashful Kara Danvers. She looked like a corpse. She was mostly skin and bone, the poison of the Kryptonite destroying her body’s tissues as it ravaged her from the inside out. The air was rattling in her chest, and she was unconscious. She had only a few tiny tufts of hair left.

 

“How long?” Lena asked. Her voice was calm and cold. She wondered idly how much Alex hated her right now.

 

“It’s anyone’s guess, Miss Luthor.”

 

This voice was deep. J’onn J’onnz.

 

She turned to find that Alex was wrapped in J’onn’s arms, sobbing silently. J’onn looked at Lena, nodding gravely.

 

“We think she has a few hours, but it might not even be that long. She made us promise to wake her when you arrived.”

 

Lena shook her head.

 

“She’s clearly in a lot of pain. It’s not fair to wake her and subject her to feeling it,” Lena said, backing away from the sarcophagus holding Kara.

 

“It’s a sun chamber. The radiation in there is close to the radiation from the sun, close up. Only her and Superman – and Lady Justice – would be able to be in there at all,” J’onn explained, probably reading her mind. “It’s kept her alive longer than she would have lasted, otherwise.”

 

Lena went to the corner where there was a viewscreen with Kara’s vitals on it. She brought up Kara’s charts, quickly hacking the DEO’s systems to give her unrestricted access. J’onn sighed behind her, but said nothing.

 

She read through the notes quickly, astonished by how quickly Kara had declined from healthy super-human to this bag of bones. It had only been six weeks since she’d been rescued from the kidnapper, and only two weeks since she started coughing. Lena ran some figures through her head, and tilted it slightly as she tried to work it out.

 

“Can I run some tests?” she asked, turning to look at J’onn.

 

He shrugged.

 

“It can’t hurt. But I will carry out her wishes, Miss Luthor,” he said, his voice quiet but his tone emphatic. “If it looks like she’s close, I will revive her so that she gets her final wish.”

 

Lena nodded curtly before turning back to the sun chamber and attaching the first of her highly experimental devices to the sun chamber’s control unit. She got the samples she needed – skin, tumour, blood, even CSF, from the chamber itself. It was a handy little device, this sun chamber. She ran the numbers through one of her devices, then another, and she was left with a decision to make. Tell J’onn her idea, and wait for him to debate it with Alex and probably Kara’s mother and god only knew who else, or call Sam and get her to just do it.

 

She stared into the chamber at what used to be Supergirl, skin and bones and still-beating heart. She made her decision in that moment, and called Sam.

 

“Lena?”

 

Sam’s voice was distant and there was wind blowing through the microphone of her comms.

 

“I need you. I’m at the DEO, in the med-bay. Can you get here unseen?” Lena said quietly.

 

“Yes,” Sam said. “I’m on my way.”

 

Four minutes later, Sam whooshed her way into the med bay, not having slowed down enough to be seen by anyone. In the meantime, Lena had injected Kara with a substance she’d synthesised with one of her new devices. It was specifically designed to target the cancerous cells in Kara’s body and paint them with a compound that would make them exceptionally vulnerable to certain types of radiation. It also coated the healthy cells with a little something that would encourage them to regenerate at a high rate when exposed to the sun, to increase healing and growth of muscle and bone, both of which had been wasted by the cancer.

 

Sam was silent for a moment as she approached the sun chamber.

 

“Shit. I didn’t realise it was so bad,” Sam said, peering inside. There were tears running down her cheeks.

 

“She has hours. Maybe not even that. I have a treatment, but I need you to do it, no questions asked. You’re the only one who can,” Lena said.

 

“Name it, and it’s done,” Sam said, immediately.

 

Lena named it, and Sam disappeared, Kara in her arms. Lena sat down, breathing heavily. This would cure Kara or kill her. There was no middle ground.

 

Half an hour later, Alex came back to the room and screamed at Lena when she realised that Kara was gone.

 

“You took her away, and I wanted to be with her when she died. Why would you do that?”

 

She clawed at Lena’s t-shirt and sobbed into her shoulder.

 

“I think she might be okay,” Lena murmured. “I had to try. The world needs Supergirl.”

 

It was another hour before Sam returned with a still-emaciated Kara, but one whose vitals were stronger. She placed her back into the sun chamber and Lena started a feeding tube and a glucose drip, the radiation turned up full in the chamber. An hour after that, Kara was visibly better. Two hours after that, she’d regrown muscle and looked much more like herself. The tumours were gone, her organs were regenerating, and she was on the road to recovery. Her hair was visibly growing back.

 

“I need you to keep a close eye on Sam,” Lena said, crisply, as she began to gather her devices and the notes she’d made on Kara’s treatment.

 

Alex turned away from the sun chamber and stared at Lena.

 

“Why?”

 

“She’s just been inside a nuclear reactor,” Lena said. “She shouldn’t have any side effects, given her superior strength and stamina compared to Supergirl. But just in case. If she needs the same treatment later, you need to call me. Is that understood?”

 

Alex nodded, dumbfounded.

 

“Are you leaving?”

 

“Of course,” Lena said, emotionless. “Kara’s dying wish no longer applies, since she’s no longer dying.”

 

“How did you do this?” Alex asked, eyes wide.

 

“I’ll send you a detailed report, along with the specs for some new medical devices, as soon as I can. Sometime tomorrow. I have other things to do, as I’m sure you’re aware.”

 

“Your daughter,” Alex said, looking at her intently.

 

“Yes. She’s my first priority. After that, I’ll send you the report. Did you need something else?” Lena asked, briskly.

 

“No, I guess not,” Alex said, sadly. She stepped forward and wrapped Lena up in her arms. “You might not want to hear this, but I owe you everything, Lena. You saved my sister’s life.”

 

“It was the least I could do,” Lena said, insincerely. Truly, she wasn’t sure why she’d done things this way. But she wasn’t about to burst Alex’s bubble of happiness by bringing her own feelings into all this. The world still had Supergirl, and that was all that was important at this juncture. Lena could go home with a clear conscience.

 

“Thank you,” J’onn said, shaking her hand as he escorted her to the transmat chamber. “You saved a lot of lives today, Lena.”

 

“The credit for any future lives saved will belong to Supergirl, not to me,” Lena said dryly. “That’s as it should be.”

 

“Are you ever going to forgive her?” J’onn asked, stopping beside the transmat portal with his arms crossed.

 

“It’s all in the past,” Lena said, shrugging.

 

“Are you ever going to forgive yourself?” he asked, quietly.

 

“Goodbye, J’onn,” Lena said, stepping forward to tap her transmat address into the touchpad.

 

He nodded solemnly.

 

“H’ronmeer guide you, Lena Luthor.”

 

She nodded back before stepping through the portal and into her own home once again.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Lena's decision to help Kara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another random update. I don't have a schedule for posting my fics, and am working on multiple different ones at any given time, so I make no promises as to when the next chapter will come along. Just to warn those of you who haven't read any of my stuff before.

* * *

 

It was strange to be home, her apartment silent. It was only… 5am. Caoimhe would sleep until about 6.30, typically, and Rosie would make breakfast for them all before taking Caoimhe off to get washed and ready for kindergarten. When she was gone, Lena would send the promised report – and schematics for the new devices – to Alex as promised, and then she would wash her hands of the whole thing.

 

She took a long shower, settling herself on the couch and pulling a blanket over herself, and she watched morning television until she passed out. Rosie woke her at 7 for breakfast, and she managed to get through it, bleary-eyed, and give Caoimhe her full attention and the hundred kisses she demanded before kindergarten. Once her daughter was gone, she took another nap, this one for two hours, before heading downstairs to the lab.

 

By the end of the day, she’d done as she promised and sent Alex the required information, and had also hit upon a possible way to programme the nanobots without compromising the cognitive function and free will of the subject. She wanted to work on it more, but she had always promised herself that she would give her daughter the best of herself, and that work would have to come a distant second. The problem wasn’t going to solve itself overnight anyway, so she jotted down her thoughts and went to the elevator, heading back up to the apartment.

 

They had dinner in the garden, the breeze from Lake Zürich helping to mitigate the summer heat. They were in deep conversation about the Avengers and whether Superman would be able to lift Thor’s hammer, when Sam and Ruby swooped down and landed in the garden next to them.

 

They greeted each other, Ruby snuggling her little sister, as she called Caoimhe, and Sam squeezing Lena tightly.

 

“Are you okay?” Lena murmured, looking into Sam’s eyes.

 

“Kara almost died. I couldn’t find her when that man had her,” Sam said, her eyes brimming. “It was my fault.”

 

“It wasn’t your fault,” Lena protested. “You tried to find her. He was a friend of Lex’s, and he had a huge advantage because he had all of Lex’s research. He knew exactly how to hide from a Kryptonian. If the DEO couldn’t find him, what makes you think that you should have been able to?”

 

Sam frowned.

 

“You saved her. Thank you.”

 

“ _You_ saved her,” Lena said, shaking her head. “No-one else could have. You deserve the credit.”

 

“I wouldn’t have known what to do without you. And Alex said you gave her some sort of serum that made the whole process work.”

 

Lena shrugged.

 

“I’ve been working on some new ideas. It wasn’t that difficult.”

 

Sam looked at her with narrowed eyes.

 

“I know you don’t trust her,” she said, “and maybe you never will, but I’m glad you saved her. After Reign – I couldn’t bear to watch her die.”

 

“Well, I’m glad I was able to help,” Lena said crisply, before sitting back down at the table next to Ruby. Sam gave her a strange look, but said nothing else.

 

They had a lovely evening together, Ruby and Sam spoiling Caoimhe shamelessly and all of them playing board games until far too late. Caoimhe fell asleep in Ruby’s lap, and Ruby was delighted to put her little sis to bed.

 

“How’s Ruby’s training going?” Lena asked idly, as she and Sam looked out at the sun, falling behind the trees of the huge forest behind Lena’s home.

 

“She’s doing great. Alex and Kara have been a real help. Much more useful than I was. I kept freaking out as each new power appeared.”

 

“It’s understandable that you would be worried.”

 

Sam hummed slightly.

 

“Are you ever going to speak to her?” she asked, eventually.

 

“To whom?” Lena asked.

 

“You know who,” Sam said, narrowing her eyes.

 

“Is she still the same woman who lied to me for over two years, and who accused me of being evil and trying to kill her because I tried to save you?” Lena asked.

 

“Well, physically, I suppose so, but…”

 

“Then no, I’m not,” Lena interrupted. “Nothing has changed.”

 

“ _She’s_ changed. A lot, actually. I don’t see her very often but she is quiet, sad. She still hangs out with the Superfriends occasionally but she’s not the woman I met when I moved to National City,” Sam said, eyes sad.

 

“Her behaviour and happiness are none of my concern,” Lena said, expressionless.

 

“Why did you bother to save her?” Sam asked.

 

“Because the world needs you superheroes,” Lena said airily. “It gives people hope, seeing you swooping around, saving kittens from trees.”

 

Sam snorted, rolling her eyes.

 

“You wouldn’t be so dismissive of her if you didn’t still feel something,” Sam said.

 

“I have nothing to say on the subject,” Lena said, eyes intent on Sam’s. “I really don’t want to talk about it, okay?”

 

“Understood,” Sam said. “But you’re not happy, Lena. You’re fulfilled, you’re satisfied by your job, you have an incredible daughter, but you’re not really happy. You haven’t trusted anyone since you left National City, not even me, and you can’t live like that.”

 

“I beg to differ,” Lena said, turning to head back into the apartment. “I trust you with my daughter.”

 

“But you don’t tell me a thing about yourself. You don’t tell anyone a thing about yourself. You know that’s why you and Colin broke up; he wanted to be involved with your life and you didn’t want him to be.”

 

“I’m done talking about this,” Lena said, her arms crossed and her jaw tight.

 

“Fine,” Sam said, resigned.

 

***

 

Kara Zor-El Danvers woke, and she realised immediately that something had changed. There was no pain. None at all. She felt strong, her breathing was effortless, and her heart was thumping, filling her with energy. She wondered at first if she had passed into Rao’s light without Alex being able to persuade Lena to come to her, but she realised that the colour of the light was wrong. She was in the yellow sun chamber, and it was filling her with vitality and strength, so much so that she was floating a little without trying. She sat up, bashing her head on the lid of the chamber, and she pushed it up. The lights went off immediately and the chamber sent out some sort of spray compound into the air that would protect nearby humans from any residual radiation.

 

She wasn’t alone in the med bay – both Eliza and Alex were there, but they were both asleep in the uncomfortable chairs, Alex’s head on Eliza’s shoulder, and Eliza’s arm wrapped around her daughter. Kara watched them for a moment, smiling and then frowning. They looked exhausted.

 

She floated out of the chamber silently and went to kneel in front of her family. She put one hand on Alex’s knee and the other on Eliza’s, squeezing gently. She noted distantly that she was in traditional Kryptonian funeral garb.

 

Alex’s eyes flew open immediately and she jumped, then stopped, staring. Eliza took a few more seconds to wake, but when she did, she immediately started crying and threw herself into Kara’s arms. A moment later, Alex did, too, and a very much baffled Kara held onto the Danvers women, wondering what on Earth had happened to bring her back to life. She had gone to sleep Rao only knew how long ago, relieved as the sedative pulled her under, sending the pain somewhere distant. She knew that there was a chance that she would never wake. The cancer had eaten through her entire body, and she had already said her goodbyes to everyone, except for one person. Lena. So she asked Alex if she would ask the question. No pressure, but please, if she can bear to see me, let me apologise once before I go, she had begged.

 

As she floated in her dreamless sleep, she felt Rao’s presence all around her, and she was ready to go home. Her mother and father were gone, her home turned to dust. She had wanted to go home so badly. And then she woke. She needed answers, but first she had a duty to her family, to make sure they were okay after her miraculous recovery.

 

“I love you so much,” Eliza breathed, sobbing.

 

“You can’t do that again, Kara,” Alex said, breathing hard to keep her own sobs at bay. “Watching you - it nearly killed me.”

 

Kara just murmured nonsense in response, reassuring sounds until both women were calm. They both leaned back, Eliza producing tissues from somewhere – her mom pouch, Alex used to call it, when she would whisk things from nowhere – and Kara looked away as her foster mother and sister wiped their faces and made themselves presentable. She moved to a chair, pulling it round so that it was facing her little family.

 

“I’m sorry I scared you both,” she said, quietly. “Could you please tell me what happened?”

 

Alex looked at her guiltily.

 

“I know I promised not to try any new treatments.”

 

Kara nodded.

 

“Clearly, you did. What happened, please?”

 

Her voice was calm, but inside she was in turmoil. She had wanted to go home. Her body had given up, poisoned beyond recognition by Kryptonite. She had been _ready._ Why had they interfered?

 

“It was Lena,” Alex said, and Kara gasped. Alex looked at her cautiously before continuing. “She’s been making all these advances in medicine and science and she came when I asked, and I was going to wake you like I promised but she asked me to wait while she read your chart. She started doing calculations, so I left her to it for a bit and when I came back you weren’t there.”

 

“How did that happen?” Kara asked, frowning.

 

“She called Sam. She gave you something – I’m waiting for her report for the details – and sent Sam to take you into the heart of a nuclear power plant. Sam exposed you to the radiation for however long Lena told her to, then flew you into space, into the direct glare of the sun. That, combined with Lena’s serum, kickstarted your cells into regenerating, and a few hours after that you looked almost like you. It’s been about 10 hours since Sam brought you back here.”

 

Kara looked down at her hands, her arms, her muscles. It was so strange. She’d been emaciated, her skin thin atop stick-like bones, all eaten away by the cancer and the Kryptonite poisoning. Now she felt like she could juggle planets.

 

“So where is she?” Kara asked, puzzled. She couldn’t hear Lena’s heartbeat nearby.

 

“She… went back home,” Alex said, quietly.

 

Of course she did. She wouldn’t want anything to do with Kara after she was cured. She came and did a good thing and left quietly, without any fanfare, because that was who she was. Kara dropped her head, sighing quietly.

 

“I’m sorry, sweetie. She’s a tough cookie, that one,” Eliza said.

 

“Yes, she’s strong,” Kara said absently. “I suppose she doesn’t want any thanks,” she said, to Alex. It wasn’t a question.

 

“No, it didn’t seem that way,” Alex said. “I thanked her anyway.”

 

“Okay,” Kara said, nodding. “Thank you.”

 

They sat in silence for an uncomfortably long time before Alex decided they were getting pizza and potstickers and enough ice cream to sink the Titanic, and Kara had a shower in the DEO bathrooms before changing into some of Alex’s spare gear, smiling wryly at the sight of herself in the black DEO uniform. It fitted her mood, however, so she got ready and went to greet the rest of the DEO; the agents, J’onn, Lucy Lane, Susan Vasquez. J’onn was technically retired now, still nursing M’yrnn through the Martian version of Alzheimer’s, but he had been by Kara’s side for the last week, and she couldn’t have been more grateful for his steady presence during what was going to be her last week of life. After multiple embraces from way too many people, Kara’s face hurt from smiling. Finally, they were able to go home, back to Alex’s apartment for now, because it was bigger and because she had a spare room for Eliza to sleep in.

 

After more food than she’d eaten in months, Kara was drowsing, trying to pay attention to the action movie on the television. Eliza was already asleep, and Alex was flagging, too.

 

“She still cares about you, you know,” Alex said, suddenly, her voice thick. She didn’t need to specify who she meant.

 

“I don’t understand her,” Kara said, sighing.

 

“Me either. But you don’t come halfway across the world and save someone’s life if you don’t care about them at all.”

 

“Did she say why she did it?” Kara asked, a few tears leaking from her eyes.

 

“She said the world needed Supergirl. It’s bullshit, if you ask me. I mean, yeah of course the world needs you, but I just think she couldn’t bear the idea of you being gone forever.”

 

“I would have thought she’d be happy about me being gone forever,” Kara said, voice breaking a little.

 

Alex hugged her close.

 

“You’re wrong about that, sweetie. Trust me. I am absolutely sure that woman still cares about you.”

 

Kara burrowed into Alex’s shoulder and let herself cry a little. A little while later they both went and cuddled up in Alex’s bed, and Kara fell asleep feeling safe, her sister’s arms tight around her.


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback and a trip that doesn't go well.

* * *

It had been two weeks since Lena had made her impromptu trip to National City, and she was busy fussing around with the last of the clothes and toiletries and stuffed toys that she had packed for Caoimhe, who was having her yearly holiday with her dad. Colin was taking Caoimhe to DisneyWorld, and Lena was going to meet them towards the end of their holiday so that she and Caoimhe would have a few days in DisneyWorld themselves.

 

Since Supergirl’s miraculous recovery – something that wasn’t common knowledge – Lena had been getting death threats, sent subtly through very hi-tech means. Messages appearing in advertisements when she ran a google search; texts from her own telephone number telling her that she would pay for what she had done with the Kryptonian. Pictures of green Kryptonite being sent through snail mail to her at the lab without any return address, something that was supposed to be impossible these days. She was doing her best to ignore it all, but she’d completely overhauled her building’s security, and had hired bodyguards for Caoimhe and herself. The bodyguards were a mix of off-worlders (with various powers), and meta-humans. Caoimhe’s bodyguards had portable transmat bracelets, a new technology Lena had been working on, which would move the bodyguards and her daughter to a panic room that should be effectively impervious to any attack, even from a Kryptonian. She’d spent a fortune on Thanagarian Nth metal to build the panic room, and Sam couldn’t break into it even with all of her triple WorldKiller powers.

 

Lena kissed her daughter all over her precious face, checking her over for the hundredth time to make sure she was dressed properly, hadn’t accidentally tucked her skirt into her knickers, or put chocolate in her shoes, or any of the other hundred daft things the girl had done over the last few months. Satisfied, she drew back and smiled.

 

“Are you ready, darling?” she asked, grinning at the excitement on Caoimhe’s face.

 

“Yes!” Caoimhe almost screamed, and Lena winced at the ear-piercing noise, but then chuckled.

 

“You’re a little monkey, you are,” Lena said, fondly.

 

“You’re a monkey’s Mummy,” Caoimhe replied slyly.

 

“Who taught you that one?” Lena asked, smiling at the girl’s cheek.

 

“Terry from kindergarten. He says if I’m a monkey, you’re a monkey’s Mummy, and your brother’s a monkey’s uncle!”

 

Caoimhe collapsed in peals of laughter, and Lena shook her head, rolling her eyes a little. Lex was many things, but any sort of uncle was not one of them. She prayed silently that Caoimhe would never have to meet the man. If she ever did, it would likely be because something terrible had happened to allow Lex to be released.

 

She called a car to take them both to the airport, and one of her drivers arrived shortly after. One of the bodyguards sat next to each Luthor lady, and another car followed behind, filled with overpowered aliens and metahumans. Still, she didn’t feel secure. She wasn’t exactly worried for herself, but the idea of someone hurting Caoimhe made her heart hurt and her eyes glaze over with rage.

 

The journey was uneventful, however, and Lena reluctantly met Colin near the departure gate, handing their daughter over and kissing her goodbye a few more times before moving away. The drive home was quick and painless, too. But her heart thumped the whole time until she was inside the apartment with the doors locked.

 

She worked almost 24 hours a day while Caoimhe was away. She knew she shouldn’t, but being without her daughter left her feeling aimless. On the upside, she was almost always awake when Caoimhe called. On the downside, however, she looked and felt like total shit by the time she was to go and meet her daughter in the US. It didn’t help that, the night before, she’d had _the dream_ again.

 

***

 

_Kara’s mouth moved over her neck feverishly, hands already on Lena’s pants, pulling at zips and buttons. They were both panting, and Lena had one hand fisted in Kara’s hair. At the first touch of Kara’s hand between her legs, she almost came on the spot. She whined, and Kara stared at her, eyes wide. Lena pulled her hair again, almost snarling._

_“No. Don’t look at me. I don’t forgive you.”_

_Kara dropped her eyes, nodding. Lena pulled Kara’s head back, biting at her neck and jaw and running her tongue along her ear, kissing every part she could reach._

_Kara fell on her with a will, then, and in seconds they were both naked inside one of the DEO’s empty on-call rooms. Lena was determined, in that moment, to be entirely present. She pulled Kara against her, grabbed her hand and pulled it to the apex of her legs, and gasped when Kara slid long fingers inside her. They were kissing, and Lena was grasping at every part of Kara that she could reach, and after a little manoeuvring she managed to get in position so that she could reach inside of Kara, too, and fuck her as hard as she could, while Kara fucked her almost too gently._

_“Harder,” she growled, into Kara’s throat, biting at her again. Kara obliged, and Lena let out a long, guttural sound, pulling Kara’s face down to hers again, kissing her angrily._

_“I love you,” Kara murmured, breathing harder than Lena had ever seen._

_“No,” Lena said. “You don’t.”_

_“I do,” Kara said, fucking into her harder, adding a little massaging movement that made Lena gasp loudly. “I’ll never stop, no matter how much you hate me.”_

_Lena came loudly, a half-scream escaping her, and Kara followed her a few seconds later, and Lena murmured something into her ear._

_“I know.”_

***

 

Lena soldiered on, in spite of her exhaustion. She packed carefully, bringing a prototype of the new personal transmat system with her, intending to meet with several of her peers in Washington on the way back to see if they had any similar devices in the works. Not because she wanted to compete, but because she’d rather collaborate and make a better product if that were possible.

 

Her bodyguards escorted her to the car, and then to a private plane. They had booked with several different jet charter companies, only turning up at the last minute to the one they’d selected to ensure that assassins wouldn’t have prior notice of their intentions, in the hope that Lena would get to the US in one piece. She would have preferred to transmat straight to Florida, but the State’s authorities had banned the use of transmatter portals because of the Daxamite invasion, and 11 other States had followed suit. She could have transmatted somewhere North and made a short flight down, but she’d decided, as most people did, to just take a flight to a new airport on one of the small islands just off the coast of Florida instead. With new engines (based on Daxamite designs) on airplanes these days, it only took 4 hours from Europe, while a cross-country flight from within the US could end up being much longer, again because the Daxamite engine technology was banned in some states, and so most US airlines were restricted to the older type of jet engines. It was the worst sort of stupidity, and it damaged the environment, too, but that was xenophobia for you. Banning transmat portals in their states wouldn’t save them from an alien invasion, either, because the Daxamites could just bring back their ships, and according to… Supergirl, they weren’t even close to the most advanced species known to the Kryptonians.

 

The flight was relaxing, and Lena drank wine while she read scientific journals, scanning for any new ideas that she could apply to any of her inventions. As the flight crew prepared to make the turn that would avoid any airspace where the Daxamite engine technology was banned, Lena obediently secured her 6-point safety harness. The flights were much quicker, but the movements could be a little… jarring.

 

The turn was perfect, and Lena was staring downwards as they banked 90°, watching the tiny waves on the sea below, when suddenly the plane wasn’t around her anymore. She was hurtling through the air, the transmat prototype still in her lap, kept there somehow by the force of her fall. Her chair was spinning on every axis, and she was about to pass out, so she tried to reach the bracelet prototype only to have it slip, ever so slowly to her eyes, off the end of her knee and out into empty air. She saw the waves coming closer and closer after each revolution of the chair, and she sent up a silent prayer that Sam would take care of Caoimhe for her. She was about to close her eyes when there was a whooshing noise, and she caught a glimpse of red and blue before she passed out.

 

A few minutes later she came to, and she stared down at the arm, wrapped in blue, that was tight around her waist.

 

_Kara…_

“I’m sorry for the late arrival, Miss Luthor, but I had to catch the plane first,” a deep voice said, chuckling.

 

She breathed in and out a few times before replying.

 

“Thank you, Superman,” she said, trying not to sound disappointed.

 

“Any time,” he said, as they swooped in to land outside Metropolis General. She zoned out a little as she was checked over inside, and when she was finally left alone, she borrowed a cellphone from a nurse and called Colin.

 

He sounded puzzled on the phone, since she wasn’t calling from her own number. She explained the situation, and he confirmed that Caoimhe was just fine, two bodyguards within a foot of her at all times. His voice was shaking in shock at what had happened to her, and she smiled fondly. He was a good man, and she was glad she’d chosen him, even though they hadn’t ended up working out. He was a good father, and Lena had been blessed with a beautiful daughter as a result.

 

She was just hanging up when there was screaming in the background of Colin’s call, and then the call cut off. Lena screamed then, too, and she ran to the television, finding a live news report that said that a ride had been tampered with at DisneyWorld. It was one of the smaller ones, for children, and it was on fire. She fell to her knees, watching the scene and gasping as she saw Colin’s indistinct figure running to the ride, only to be pulled back by security guards as he screamed Caoimhe’s name. Then there was a whoosh, a blur of red and blue, and then black, and the fire was suddenly out, and Supergirl and Lady Justice were carrying children out, two by two, and setting them down, unharmed, just to the left of the cameras. The person narrating the live news was thanking god for Supergirl and Lady Justice, and Lena could only thank god, too, because Caoimhe was on her screen now, in Kara’s arms, and every part of Lena Luthor turned to jelly. Kara had just saved her daughter’s life.

 

She managed, somehow, to make another call, and minutes later Sam was by her side in her guise as Lady Justice, having finished with the rescues. The people around gasped as she picked Lena up and flew her at speed, south to Florida, solid body keeping Lena’s spine and neck straight as they shot towards Lena’s daughter.

 

Lena lost count of how many times she almost fainted, but finally the blurring of the world around them slowed and then she was kneeling next to Caoimhe, her daughter squirming in her arms, because Lena was panicking, of course, holding Caoimhe far too tightly, and her daughter had loved every minute of her surprise meeting with Supergirl and wasn’t remotely fazed. Lena, trembling, eventually let go, and Caoimhe gave her tiny kisses on her nose and cheeks, somehow knowing that her mother needed her close.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

The voice was hesitant, low, and a little gravelly, but still unmistakeably Kara.

 

“I’ve had better days,” Lena managed to choke out. “You saved her.”

 

“It was a team effort,” Kara said, and Lena knew without looking that she’d have that silly grin on her face, the one she always had when anyone tried to compliment her.

 

“I can never repay you,” Lena said, choking a little as Colin gave Caoimhe another squeeze, his eyes wide and shocked at the near-disaster.

 

“You don’t owe me a thing,” Kara said, quietly. “You saved my life. I owe you everything.”

 

Lena looked up, and Kara’s eyes were brimming with tears. Lena just stared, unable to say a word. Kara didn’t look even a minute older than she had when Lena had left her behind. She was still beautiful, and the sorrow in her eyes was… heart-wrenching.

 

“You look good,” she managed, after a long, long silence.

 

“So do you,” Kara said, eyes widening.

 

“I just fell about 30,000ft and had to be rescued by your cousin,” Lena said, wryly. “I doubt I look remotely good.”

 

Kara’s eyes widened.

 

“You were on that plane?”

 

“Well, at the beginning, yes. I somehow ended up outside the plane, still attached to the chair. Apparently, Superman saved the plane first and then grabbed me after. I hope my people got out safe,” Lena said.

 

“He was on the news before, and he confirmed that no-one was killed, just a few small injuries,” Kara said. “So you were in an accident and your daughter…”

 

“Caoimhe,” Lena supplied.

 

“Kee-vah,” Kara sounded out. “That’s beautiful. But she was caught up in a burning ride at DisneyWorld at the same time you were in a plane crash? Do you think there’s any reason why those things happened at the same time?”

 

Lena looked away, taking a deep breath.

 

“I’ve had some death threats, since… since I went to National City.”

 

Kara drew in a sharp breath.

 

“Because you saved me.”

 

“Yes,” Lena said, shrugging. “Apparently my brother and his friends didn’t take kindly to that particular decision of mine.”

 

“You’re coming with us,” Kara said. “We’ll protect you at the DEO.”

 

“No,” Lena said, immediately. “I refuse to live in fear.”

 

“And are you willing to lose your daughter to that principle of yours?” an acerbic voice said from behind her. She turned to see Alex Danvers advancing on her.

 

“I would never put Caoimhe in harm’s way,” Lena said immediately.

 

“Okay. So let’s get you both safely to the DEO and then we’ll determine our next move,” Alex said, standing next to Kara and crossing her arms. In the face of both Danvers sisters, Lena caved. She hadn’t even been that serious in the first place; she just wanted to talk to Sam about keeping them safe. But after everything, she’d take all the help she should get.

 

“Fine,” she said. “But I want Sam to stay with us, too.”

 

“I wasn’t planning on doing anything else,” Sam said, from where she was talking to Colin quietly.

 

“Good,” Kara said, smiling gently. “We just want you to be safe.”

 

Lena stared at her, eyes wide, unable to say a thing in response. All of her anger, all of her pain, all of the things that had kept her away from National City, they didn’t seem to matter right now. Because Kara had saved her daughter, and that meant _everything_.


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get a bit of backstory, Kara and Lena have a short conversation, and Lena has a heart-to-heart with the Arias girls.

Kara was in a state of shock. Not only was Lena Luthor at the DEO, but she was smiling and cuddling with her daughter, who was a mini-Lena, and she was _talking_ to Kara. After six years of complete radio silence.

 

_Sam was finally safe, and Reign was destroyed after Lena’s souped-up gold Kryptonite had unexpectedly made the WorldKiller explode instead of simply making her powerless. Sam was still herself, only now she had Reign’s powers, and those of the other WorldKillers, though she kept most of those safely under wraps – it was difficult to think of a time when Pestilence’s powers would be appropriate for a hero to utilise._

_Kara stood by Sam’s bedside, Ruby by her side, and watched as Sam twitched and woke up slowly. After all of the tears, all of the battles, comas and deaths and loss, Sam finally woke up and smiled when she saw Ruby and Supergirl standing side-by-side._

_Kara left mother and daughter to their reunion, after welcoming Sam to the super-family, and as she stepped out of the room, Lena almost walked straight into her._

_Lena looked at her in disgust and tried to step past her. Kara touched her arm gently, just once._

_“Won’t you even look at me, Lee?” Kara asked, plaintively._

_“I told you, Supergirl,” Lena spat. “We would work together to get Sam free of Reign, and then I would have nothing to do with you.”_

_“I’m so sorry. I know how much I screwed up, Lena. Please, just let me make it up to you.”_

_“There’s no possible way to do that,” Lena said, dully. “Now leave me alone.”_

_She walked away, and Kara called out to her as she left._

_“I’m so sorry, Lee. I love you.”_

_Lena didn’t turn around, though her heart stuttered. Kara watched her walk away. They came together horribly and wonderfully later that evening, but that day marked the last time she saw Lena Luthor for six years, other than on television or in newspapers._

_***_

 

It was the morning after assassins had somehow managed to almost kill Lena and her daughter. Lena had been awake for a while. She looked up from her email as Kara entered the room with breakfast.

 

“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” she said, smiling at Kara genuinely.

 

“I could flatter myself and think it’s me that you’re talking about, but I think it’s more likely to be the food I’m carrying,” Kara said wryly. Caoimhe jumped up and ran at Kara, grabbing her around the waist, and Kara let out a little ‘oof’. The little girl giggled.

 

“Breakfast for you too, Little One,” Kara said, grinning down at the mini-Lena.

 

“Yay! Mummy, Supergirl brought us breakfast!”

 

Kara passed the wrapped croissants to Lena and Caoimhe, smiling, and then she placed coffee and orange juice on the low table next to the beds the DEO had provided for their guests. She looked at Lena uncertainly, her own two triple breakfast muffins in her hands.

 

“Sit,” Lena said, quietly, before turning to her daughter and wiping the girl’s face, which was already full of chocolate. “You would have to get a chocolate croissant, wouldn’t you?”

 

“Sorry,” Kara said, sheepishly. “I haven’t exactly read the manual on how to feed and keep a human child.”

 

Lena shook her head, but it looked fond, and Kara relaxed a little more, smiling as Caoimhe looked over at her, chocolate smeared on her teeth. She looked like a pirate with missing teeth.

 

“How old are you, Little One?” Kara asked, sticking her tongue out at the girl and smiling.

 

“I’m four,” Caoimhe said proudly, drawing herself up to her full height.

 

“Wow. I thought you were thirty-seven,” Kara said, frowning in a pretence of confusion. Caoimhe giggled. She noticed, from the corner of her eye, that Lena was looking at her warmly, eating her plain croissant with a grin on her face.

 

“Mummy, Supergirl’s silly,” Caoimhe said.

 

“I know, sweetcheeks,” Lena said, wiping her daughter’s face again lovingly. Kara’s heart just about gave up, right then, melting at the look of complete adoration on Lena’s face. It was a far cry from the look of contempt she’d seen the last time she saw Lena. She closed her eyes briefly, and then opened them, to see Lena watching her carefully. Kara smiled ruefully and stuffed more of her breakfast muffin into her mouth to stop herself from saying something stupid. After all, she knew that Lena would be gone soon enough, and they’d probably never see each other again. She needed to enjoy Lena’s company while she had it, and expect nothing more.

 

Lena said nothing, looking at her quizzically for another moment, but keeping her thoughts to herself. A little while later, Winn and Vasquez came by and took Caoimhe to play Mario Kart on one of the huge monitors downstairs – ones that were supposed to be for J’onn when he was directing ops. But Winn was Winn, and Lena just let him go, smiling, as Caoimhe took to him right away.

 

“Was there something that you needed to do?” Kara asked, politely, suddenly finding herself alone with Lena, and just as suddenly wanting to disappear. It was fine seeing her when her daughter was around, but talking to Lena alone – she didn’t know if she could handle that.

 

“I have plenty of work to do, but I might as well have a rest while the DEO find out who attacked us,” Lena said. “Is Colin okay?”

 

“As far as I know. He is in another room, with a huge TV and a couple of games consoles – Winn hooked him up earlier.”

 

“That’ll be him then, you won’t see him for a week,” Lena said fondly.

 

“He seems like a great guy,” Kara said, hesitantly.

 

“He is. A great father, too. Caoimhe adores him.”

 

Kara felt her heart sink a little. But she’d expected this - of course she had. Any time she saw Lena’s name on television or in a newspaper, she skipped past it. Sometimes Alex would tell her about Lena’s inventions, but Kara had always stopped Alex if she seemed to be approaching the subject of Lena’s personal life. It was none of her concern, as had been made extremely clear by Lena, and she chose to respect Lena’s wishes. Now, though, hearing that Lena was happily married, she couldn’t help but feel a deep, sharp pain.  She had never dared to hope for… well, it didn’t matter. Lena was happy, and that was the important thing, here.

 

“That’s great, Lee… Lena,” Kara said, coughing a little to cover her slip-up. “I’m so glad you’re happy.”

 

Lena looked at her quizzically, head tilting.

 

“You think… you think I’m still with Colin?” she asked, eyes narrowing ever so slightly, almost in amusement.

 

“I didn’t assume anything,” Kara said, quietly, smiling awkwardly. “I’m just glad to see you smile.”

 

“I have a beautiful daughter. I’ve been very lucky,” Lena said, and this time there was definitely the hint of a smile at the edges of her eyes.

 

Kara didn’t know what else to say, so she stood up, rocking back on her heels and putting her hands in her suit pockets. The skirt was long-gone, and now she had armoured pants with anti-Kryptonite shielding built in. It wasn’t 100% effective, nor was it effective for long, but it did make things easier. Aside from when homicidal men decided to abduct her with alien-grade tasers, take the suit and dress her in scrubs, and inject her with so much Kryptonite that her brain literally started to melt under the influx. She winced, and blinked.

 

“So, I should, um…” Kara indicated the door, and Lena tilted her head again, looking at Kara like she was some sort of oddity.

 

“You need to be somewhere?” she asked, her voice low and husky.

 

“Yes. Always busy, you know how it is.”

 

“Do you still work at CatCo?” Lena asked, eyes still holding Kara’s.

 

“Yes,” Kara said. “I’m Snapper’s deputy, now, and one of the senior reporters. Not bad for a rookie with no experience, huh?” she said, smiling.

 

“I knew you’d make an excellent reporter,” Lena said fondly. “I shouldn’t keep you, though. If you’re busy.”

 

Kara scuffed her boots against the floor, sending up little puffs of cement dust.

 

“Um… yes. I should go, check out what’s happening with your investigation. I should be available to go, at… um, a minute’s notice,” Kara said.

 

“Sure,” Lena said, eyes still intent on Kara’s. “If that’s what you feel you should do.”

 

Kara tripped over her own feet backing out of the door.

 

“Of course,” she said, just managing to keep herself upright. “I should make sure you and your family are safe.”

 

Lena’s lips twitched and she nodded solemnly.

 

“Go save the day, Supergirl,” she said, and Kara stumbled off, head spinning in confusion. She had no idea what was going on, and her face was heated, and Lena’s knowing looks were making her heart thump. She wanted Lena to be happy, and she’d never expected to see her again, after her own near-death experience. The situation was overwhelming, and so she went to her own personal port in a storm. Alex. She’d understand, probably. Or she’d listen, and that was almost as important.

 

***

 

Lena watched Kara stumble over her feet, retreating. She tried not to smile, but she felt her lips twitch nonetheless. Kara was wide-eyed and confused, and about as graceful as a baby deer on ice. It was pretty adorable. Though, if Lena was entirely truthful with herself, she was confused, too – she just hid it better. She had spent the last six years hating Supergirl with a passion. Or trying to. And now Supergirl – _Kara -_ had saved her daughter, her reason for living these last four years, and Lena was conflicted. How could she justify continuing to ignore Kara? She was every possible contradiction, when one took in her two guises. Shy and confident, nervous and calm, humanly weak and inhumanly strong. And yes, she had lied to Lena. She was the one person who had hurt Lena more than any other; even Lillian hadn’t managed to get under her skin more than Kara had. But what was that thing that people said? The ones you love the most are also the ones who can hurt you the most?

 

Lena didn’t like to think about Kara and love, especially not so soon after having _the dream,_ but she could admit to herself that she did love Kara back then. She was incredibly, deeply in love with her best friend, and the only reason she had ended up going out with James was because Kara was so clearly uninterested, moping after the man-child alien, Mon-El. When Kara had dropped that double bombshell on her, that Supergirl and Kara were one and the same, and that she was in love with Lena? Lena had almost missed the last part, because the depth of betrayal caused by the first part was so overwhelming. Especially given how badly Supergirl had treated her, betrayed her, accused her of being just another evil Luthor. After their ill-advised kiss, Lena had tried to ignore the other part, the love part, until late that last night after Sam was safe and she was drunk and she’d walked into Supergirl in the halls of the DEO for the second time that day, and then they’d fucked, hard, desperate, angry and hurt. It was probably one of the stupidest things Lena had ever done, in hindsight. But it certainly answered any question of sexual chemistry. Not that she’d ever thought of that before. Of course.

 

The sex was a mistake, of course it was, and Lena knew she’d been a total bitch afterwards. When they were both coming down from their orgasms, she’d put her forehead against Kara’s, breathing hard, and then she stood, moving up and away. She dressed quietly, and turned to give Kara one last look before she left forever.

 

Kara was looking at her, tears streaming down her face, biting her bottom lip.

 

“Is this goodbye?”

 

“It’s good riddance,” Lena had said, coldly. She’d never regretted anything more in her life. She was so ashamed of herself, still. Kara’s face had turned deathly pale, and Lena turned on her heel and walked away, somehow managing not to walk into a wall or fall over. She decided, there and then as she played with one of Winn’s action figures idly, that regardless of whatever else happened between her and Kara, she would apologise to Kara for that. For the sex, and for what she’d said afterwards. Kara hadn’t deserved it.

 

Someone knocked on the door jamb then, and Lena looked up to see Ruby smiling at her, wearing her flight suit. It was modelled after her mother’s black and gold suit, with the House of El crest discreetly embroidered on the left of the chest, but Ruby’s was embroidered in silver instead of gold. She had a mask, too, but that was hanging from her belt.

 

“Hey, Ruby Tuesday. How are you?” Lena asked, holding out her arms for a hug. Ruby came and sat with her, hugging Lena tightly.

 

“How are you, Aunt Lee?” she asked, looking into Lena’s eyes, concerned.

 

“I’m fine, darling,” Lena said, looking at Ruby quizzically.

 

“You really are something,” Ruby said, shaking her head as she disentangled herself from Lena’s arms, grabbing a protein bar from somewhere and munching on it. “Mom said you would be like this. Just brushing it all off.”

 

Lena looked at her, genuinely puzzled.

 

“What do you mean?” she asked, and Ruby’s eyes widened.

 

“You forgot? You forgot that you almost died yesterday? That your daughter almost died?” Ruby asked, incredulous.

 

“No, of course not,” Lena said, chuckling quietly. “It’s just… you know. How many death threats have I had since you were old enough to know about them?”

 

“This wasn’t just a threat, Aunt Lee. You fell out of a plane. Caoimhe almost burned to death. You can’t just sweep that aside.”

 

There was suddenly a lump in Lena’s throat, and she swallowed. The idea of her child, her precious, beautiful, innocent girl, being burned for Lena’s sins, suddenly it hit her like a kick in the chest. She took a deep, shuddering breath, and before she could really process anything, she was sobbing, and Ruby Arias, 18-year-old superhero-in-training, was holding her as she cried in terror for the near-loss of her daughter.

 

After a while, she cried herself out, and Ruby produced a handkerchief from somewhere, making Lena chuckle, because she knew that Ruby had to have adopted that habit from Kara. She wiped her face, finding more makeup on the handkerchief than on her face, so she sighed and stood, rifling around in the toiletries the DEO had provided. She found some wet wipes and started to remove her makeup entirely.

 

“That seemed like it came from somewhere deep,” Ruby said, as Lena went to sit down again.

 

“I guess I hadn’t let myself process that,” Lena said, quietly. “Thank you.”

 

“Any time,” Ruby said, shrugging. She’d grown tall and strong, and it seemed likely that she would overtop her mother’s height at some point, because she was still growing. All of that baby fat on her cheeks was disappearing, and she was muscled and strong like all Kryptonians seemed to be on earth. She was only half-Kryptonian, of course, but she was still much stronger than any human could ever hope to be. “Are you going to start talking to Aunt Kara again?” she asked, eyes narrowing a little.

 

Lena looked at her in surprise.

 

“Where did that come from?” she asked, head tilted.

 

“From me having eyes and ears,” Ruby said, rolling her eyes and suddenly looking every bit the teenager. “Plus, super-hearing can be really inconvenient.”

 

“Hang on,” Lena said, holding up one hand. “What did you overhear, Ruby Eleanor Arias?”

 

“Nothing,” Ruby said, innocently. “Apart from some conversations. About you and Kara. Everyone knows that something bad happened between you and Supergirl when my mom was Reign. Nobody knows what, but Mom told me once that Kara betrayed you, and you couldn’t forgive her.”

 

Lena was speechless.

 

“That’s… true,” she said, thoughtfully. “There’s a lot more to it, though.”

 

“I figured,” Ruby said, rolling her eyes again. “But does that all matter now, after she saved your daughter? And her cousin saved you? You know she’s a good person at heart. She gives her whole heart to the whole world, and never asks for recognition or credit. Whatever she did, you know she never meant to hurt you.”

 

“I do know that,” Lena said, surprising herself.

 

Ruby lifted one eyebrow at her, and Lena almost laughed. The girl picked that up from her, she knew that.

 

“I know she wouldn’t do it on purpose. But she hurt me, Ruby, and I know you’ll understand when I say this. She hurt me more than anyone, ever. Even my mother.”

 

Ruby, who had been privy to at least three confrontations between the Luthor women over the last few years, almost gasped, eyes wide.

 

“What did Kara _do_?”

 

Lena sighed.

 

“I don’t think I should be discussing this with you, Ruby.”

 

“You need to talk to someone.”

 

Lena turned her head, finding Sam watching them both, leaning against the doorjamb, just like Ruby herself had done only moments before.

 

“You, again,” Lena said, sighing and leaning back into the couch.

 

“Yeah, me,” Sam said, sardonically. “Spill it, Luthor. Near-death experiences are supposed to bring us closer together, and all that.”

 

Lena sighed again. She had purposely put this all behind her, but now Kara was likely to be in her life for a few days at least, and she’d already determined that she owed her one apology, at least. She might as well talk it all through – well, most of it – with a sympathetic audience.

 

“Fine, but… this has to be a no-judgement space,” Lena said, hesitantly. “I’ve behaved badly, and I don’t need you to tell me that – either of you.”

 

Both Arias women held up their hands, faces innocent. Lena rolled her eyes.

 

She told them what happened. She even told them that Kara was jealous when she was with James, because Kara was in love with her, all of those years ago. She made Ruby put her fingers in her ears and hum, eyes closed, as she told Sam briefly about the sex. Then she told them that she’d told Kara good riddance. They both blanched.

 

“Hey, no judgement, remember?” she said, feeling the guilt crowd back in again.

 

“Sorry, Aunt Lee, but that was sooo harsh,” Ruby said, wincing visibly. “Especially after you two just banged.”

 

Lena thumped the girl on the arm, before whimpering at what felt like punching iron.

 

“I thought you couldn’t hear, you little traitor!”

 

Sam was trying, unsuccessfully, to hide her smile behind her mask, which she was pretending to inspect.

 

“Are you finished, you two Ari-asses?” Lena asked, pointedly.

 

“You promised not to call me that again, Luthor,” Sam said, mock-wounded.

 

“Your daughter just said rude things about my intimate life. You should be correcting her, not me,” Lena said, eyes narrowed. “You’re both uncouth.”

 

She tried to keep a straight face, but they all started laughing at that, and in the end, they were making undignified little snorts, and Ruby was on the floor, rolling around. The laughter was strangely cathartic, and the lump in Lena’s throat dissolved for the first time since Kara had left the room.

 

“So, serious talk now,” Sam said, wiping her eyes. “She hurt you, big time. You acknowledge that she probably didn’t mean to, and that she just wanted someone who knew her as Kara and not Supergirl. And then there was the unfortunate feud over Kryptonite, which was fuelled in part by jealousy and sadness that you were with James, and then when you were taking care of me and Kara obviously guessed that you were banging me, because why wouldn’t you be, with all this hotness? You two fought it out, then banged it out, then you pulled a bitch-Luthor move, and you haven’t seen each other since. You have been living in Egypt, on a little river we like to call De Nial, and Kara has been sad and mopey and almost constantly single since you left National City.”

 

“Pray tell, what exactly am I supposed to have been in denial about?” Lena said, glaring at Sam.

 

“You pushed it all down, and tried to forget that you had ever opened up to another person, that you had ever fallen in love with her, because she hurt you so much. You shut down, Lee, and you know you did. Your marriage was a casualty of it, and now you’ve had your eyes opened because you nearly lost the one thing that is more important to you than anything else,” Sam said.

 

“And you’ve realised that Caoimhe is not the only thing that makes your heart sing,” Ruby said, simply.

 

There were suddenly tears in Lena’s eyes, and she wiped them away as discreetly as she knew how.

 

“So what do I do?” she asked, in a whisper, pleading with both women for an answer.

 

“You apologise, first,” Sam said. “And after that, you see what happens. Maybe you can be friends again, even while you’re across the globe from one another. Or maybe… maybe there’s more there, for both of you. Either way, apologising is the right thing to do, you know that, right? I mean, it’s not like Kara didn’t owe you an apology, but she did apologise back then, if I remember correctly, and she called you to her deathbed to apologise again. I’d say she’s sincere, wouldn’t you?”

 

Lena nodded, sniffling a little at how cold she’d been to Alex then, too. Kara had been _dying_ , and she’d been cold and stiff, a Luthor to the core. She owed more than one person an apology, she decided. There might even be some freedom in that, emotionally, because in a way she’d been trapped by her own decisions, made in haste, in anger and anguish, six years before.

 

“Alex will forgive you,” Sam said, suddenly on Lena’s other side, pulling her into a side-hug. “And Kara – she already has. You know her. She’s not perfect – she fucked up really, really badly with you. But she is a good person, you know that. Making it right with the Danvers girls – that’s not a bad goal, while you’re waiting here.”

 

Lena nodded, and Ruby hugged her from the other side, and the Arias girls put their heads against hers, until they were in a little huddle, and Lena Luthor suddenly felt safer than she had in years. It was good to make a decision, she realised, about things that had been dogging her for years. An apology could be the start and end of the whole thing, she realised. And that was okay. She wanted to be a good role model for Caoimhe, and Sam and Ruby were right. Cutting herself off emotionally was a predictable response to what Kara had done, but it wasn’t the right one, not for anyone concerned. Besides, now that Caoimhe knew her mother knew Supergirl, there wouldn’t be any chance of staying completely out of touch with Kara.

 

“You are loved, Lena Luthor,” Sam whispered, kissing her forehead. “Even if you’ve been kind of a cold bitch, we still love you, and so does everyone here from your old life. Even more so now that you saved Supergirl, again.”

 

Lena sniffled noisily at that, squeezing the Arias women as tightly as she could manage, and she smiled, a free, easy smile. Maybe she wasn’t broken after all.


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short reprieve for our ladies followed by a much-less relaxing follow-up attack.

* * *

“So, are we gonna talk about it?” Alex asked, beer in hand, chips in the other. They were about to watch Killing Eve, something that Alex had found out about online, which Kara suspected was very gay, because everything that Alex wanted to watch was. And that was great as far as Kara was concerned, because Alex was living her best life, and was happier than Kara had ever seen her. And it wasn’t like Kara didn’t appreciate the fairer sex, too. More and more, these days, actually. After Mon-El and his bullshit, and then the new stringer, Chad or Brad, who kept trying to talk her into going out with him by insulting her. Like she didn’t know what negging was.

 

“Are you gonna talk to me about who it is you’re seeing?” Kara asked, pointedly. She had a whole pizza in a box in one hand, and some Velurian Rakk-Ale in the other. It didn’t get her remotely as drunk as Aldebaran rum or that delicious spring wine that M’gann had brought in just for Kara, but it had so many different flavours, one in every few mouthfuls. Not like Bertie Botts Every-Flavour beans, though. Just pleasant things, things that everyone had enjoyed when Kara was a kid. It was delicious, and it went with whatever you were eating, so she looked forward to seeing how it complemented her pepperoni and tandoori chicken extra-hot Kara special.

 

Alex blushed a little.

 

“I want to tell you, I really do. And I will. I just want to make sure that it’s real before I come out with it to everyone. It’s gonna be a little adjustment for some people.”

 

Kara looked at her levelly.

 

“We tell each other everything,” she said, flatly.

 

“Just like you told me about you and Lena fucking before she left National City?” Alex said innocently. She was sprayed with a mixture of ale and pizza, and she wiped it off her face, unimpressed. “You really had to do a spit-take?”

 

“You shocked me,” Kara said, defensively. “And how did you know about that?”

 

“A little bird told me,” Alex said, shrugging.

 

“Lena told you?” Kara asked, frowning.

 

“No. Someone else, whose identity remains redacted at this time,” Alex said, with a straight face.

 

Kara shook her head.

 

“I don’t know how you know that, but… I didn’t want to talk about it. That’s why I didn’t tell you.”

 

Alex looked at her, wide-eyed.

  
“I… I’m sorry. I thought it was just, you know, one of those moments when you just end up screwing because of chemistry, regardless of whether you’re friends or not. You know, like you and Siobhan, back in the day.”

 

“I… firstly, I never slept with Siobhan. And I think the phrase you’re looking for is hate-sex. And that’s what it was, for Lena, anyway,” Kara said, and she blinked back the tears that were an automatic response every time she thought of what Lena had said to her that day.

 

“Kara, I get that you had a really, really bad falling out. But she’s here, and she saved your life. It means something.”

 

Kara looked at Alex for a long moment.

 

“We had sex in the DEO. In one of the empty residential rooms. She wouldn’t let me look at her, when we were… you know. And then after, she got up and got dressed, and I asked her if it was goodbye. She turned and looked at me like I was worse than anyone, like I was the worst thing anyone had ever seen. And she said. ‘No, it’s good riddance.’”

 

Alex gasped.

 

“Fuck, Kara. I’m so sorry, sweetie,” she said, and she wrapped Kara up in her arms, and Kara let herself cry it out for the first time ever. She’d never spoken to a soul about that night. Talking to Alex about it was kind of gross, like what she imagined it would be like if someone had lanced a boil. But it was draining out of her now, the poison, and she was able to let it go a little once she’d calmed down.

 

“She knew just what to say to hurt you, huh?” Alex said, as Kara was re-heating her pizza with heat vision.

 

“Yeah,” Kara said, with a sort of half-chuckle. “She wasn’t wrong, you know that, right?”

 

Alex looked at her, confused.

 

“No, she was wrong, Kara. Having you in my life means that it’s immeasurably better than it would be without you.”

 

“And I get that,” Kara said, patiently. “My life is so much better with you in it, too. But that doesn’t mean that the same was true for Lena and me. I lied to her for two years while she confided in me about her deepest secrets. About her greatest fears, about turning into Lex. I let her tell me everything and I never told her the simplest things about myself. Everything I told her was a lie. And then, when she tried to help Sam - and she was justified in not bringing her right in to the DEO, you know that better than anyone, after what happened to Astra in there – after all that, I accused her of being evil, of making weapons to hurt me even though I knew deep down that she never would.”

 

“So why did you?” Alex asked, gently. She’d never asked before, and Kara had never told her.

 

“I… I was in love with her. I know you know that, but I also know I never told you. I was jealous, Alex. She was with James, and I had to hear about it from J’onn, of all people, after Reign nearly killed me. And then after that, I went to save her from the other WorldKillers, only to find that she had Sam locked up, and I… I saw how much she cared for Sam, and I was even more jealous. I acted like a teenage boy with a crush, like she belonged to me, and I treated her like crap as a result.”

 

Alex looked at her, face free of judgement.

 

“We all make mistakes, Kara. Even Supergirl. Even you, the most perfect being on Earth. You have feelings, and you’re allowed to mess up. You just have to apologise and make it right, if it can be made right. Forgiveness – that’s up to the other person. But at some point, you do have to forgive yourself, and learn from the mistake. And move on. If Lena doesn’t forgive you, you have to find a way to accept that and move on. The way you’ve been since she left – you haven’t made any new friends, or dated anyone except for one-night stands. And that’s not like you. You come to some game nights, but I know you’re not yourself. Everyone knows. Is it… is it because she didn’t want you?”

 

Kara laughed at that.

 

“No. That’s not it. I mean… I was hurt that she didn’t want me. Of course I was. But I got over that really, really quickly when I realised what I’d done to her. The reason I don’t… I haven’t made any friends because I don’t want to hurt anyone else the way I hurt Lena. And sex with some guy for a night is fine, but I don’t want a relationship, not when I can’t trust myself to treat anyone the way they deserve.”

 

Kara shrunk into herself a little, knowing that Alex would try to reassure her that she was a good friend, a good sister, whatever. But she knew in her heart that the person who’d hurt Lena so badly was still inside of her, and she didn’t trust herself not to be that person again.

 

Alex looked at her silently for a long time, troubled.

 

“I see where you’re coming from. But you know, Kara, every relationship has two sides. Two people involved. Lena wasn’t perfect either. And you can’t grow as a person, can’t learn, can’t do better, unless you actually have experiences, have friends, have people you love, other than me and Winn and J’onn and James.”

 

Kara breathed in deeply, looking at her own hands.

 

“Thank you, for not judging me,” she said, eventually.

 

“I know I can be judge-y, Kara, but not with this. You two – you hurt each other more than anyone else ever did, before or since, and it might be that you two are the only ones who can undo it. The only ones who can heal each other,” Alex said, squeezing Kara tightly and kissing her on the head.

 

“You’re still the best sister in seven galaxies,” Kara said, sighing.

 

“I know,” Alex said, simply. “You’re a lucky little alien, you know that?”

 

“I’m taller than you. I was taller than you by the time you were 18,” Kara said, acerbically.

 

“Taller is one thing, but you’ll always be my little alien.”

 

Kara smiled and settled back into the couch, and her sister’s arms, and Alex started the show, and a few hours later they were both asleep on the couch, the tv switching itself off as the two Danvers women slumbered. Kara’s dreams that night were untroubled, quiet, maybe for the first time in years.

 

***

 

Lena had just finished getting ready, looking down at her borrowed DEO uniform ruefully. It wasn’t Gucci, that was for sure. She wondered when she’d become one of those women, someone who cared about labels. Before she was brought in to take over LuthorCorp she had worn sweatpants and jeans and tshirts that cost less than her lattes did nowadays, and she’d been perfectly comfortable in her own skin. But after LuthorCorp, L-Corp, whatever, she’d used the makeup and the clothes as her weapons and her armour. It felt strange to be without it. Her face felt bald without a coat or two of expensive makeup, and she chuckled a bit at the thought.

 

“What are you laughing at, Mummy?” Caoimhe asked, looking up from her action figures curiously.

 

“Just something daft, darling,” Lena said, grinning. “What are we playing?”

 

Caoimhe joyfully invited her into a game with the action figures - some Pokémon, Lena thought, some Avengers and a few of Superman, Supergirl, and Lady Justice - that seemed to involve a football, an evil cupcake that was trying to take over the world, and a kitten. The kitten part seemed to be some sort of attempt on Caoimhe’s part to get a pet, and in truth Lena was ready to give in to that request, because her daughter was alive and if she wanted a fucking zoo, then Lena would buy it for her. Would _build_ it for her, bare-handed. They played a little longer until Agent Danvers knocked on the open door, Supergirl at her side.

“Good morning, Luthor Ladies!” Alex said, grinning. Caoimhe smiled at her, and then squealed as Supergirl waved at her. The little girl immediately threw herself at the Kryptonian. Kara did her usual dramatic playing around, pretending that Caoimhe had knocked her over, and they rolled around on the floor, laughing, as Lena watched, heart swelling.

 

“Sorry, Lena,” Alex said, interrupting her. “I actually had something to tell you?”

 

“Oh, right,” Lena said, turning to look at her.

 

“We think we’ve found the guy who masterminded the attempts on Caoimhe’s life and on yours,” Alex said, as quietly as possible, sitting next to Lena.

 

“You do? You know who he is?”

 

“We do,” Alex said. “Bruno Mannheim, former thug of Lex’s. Lex used him as a guinea-pig, gave him something that improved his intelligence. He used Lex’s research to try to kill Kara. And you outsmarted him in an afternoon. We found some of his records, some footage of his experiments. He wants you dead _so_ badly,” Alex said, shaking her head. “We think we have him tracked down to an old LuthorCorp plant, not far from Smallville. We have people moving in as we speak, but there’s a problem.”

 

Lena lifted her eyebrow, just once.

 

“We think there’s a mole.”

 

Lena’s eyebrow ascended again.

 

“In the DEO, to be clear.”

 

Lena sighed.

 

“So? Do you have any idea who it is? This mole?”

 

“We’re trying to draw them out,” Alex said. “They think that you’re unprotected, and when we go to get Mannheim, they’re coming for you and Caoimhe.”

 

Lena saw red, and she was about to give Alex the full benefit of her rage when Caoimhe turned into J’onn J’onnz.

 

“What the FUCK!” she screamed, jumping up and thumping him in the chest. “Where the fuck is my daughter?”

 

J’onn transformed back into Caoimhe.

 

_“She’s in a safe room downstairs. I just swapped with her in the hallway, and Supergirl took her there while you were talking to Alex. Sam and Ruby are both there with her. If anyone gets so far into the DEO that they can find her, then they will have to face a triple-powered ex-WorldKiller, her super-daughter, and every other metahuman that works for the DEO, who will all be ‘locked’ in nearby containment cells. And Supergirl, of course.”_

J’onn’s voice echoed in her head, and he placed one hand on Lena’s shoulder. Lena found herself calming down. This, she could do. Risking her own life was one thing, but risking Caoimhe’s? She couldn’t do that.

 

J’onn’s voice continued to reverberate in her head. _“I swear to you, on my honour as a Martian, that your daughter will be safe if it is at all possible. Kryptonite doesn’t affect Sam anymore, as you know. She has no weaknesses that we are aware of. Nothing that we have thrown at her has worked since Reign was destroyed. So if Bruno Mannheim has come up with something that will take Reign down, we have no way to counter him anyway, and we are probably all dead. So trust us, Lena. Unless he’s smarter than Lex and you, he’s not the threat he thinks he is.”_

 

Lena nodded, strangely reassured by J’onn’s blunt words.

 

_“And you’ll be guarding me, then?”_ she thought, wondering if he would hear her. He turned to look at Kara.

 

_“I will. And so will Supergirl, using Brainy’s technology. She’s going to look like Jess, your old secretary from L-Corp. And she’s had some extra sunbed time, and with her new suit she’s more or less immune to Kryptonite. So you have as much super-powered help as we can muster, Miss Luthor.”_

 

Lena nodded.

 

_“When is this all happening?”_ she thought again, trying to sound calm despite the wild beating of her heart.

 

_“Now,”_ J’onn sent. _“Our team will be hitting Mannheim in 5 minutes with Superman as backup, and we expect the attack from within to be simultaneous.”_

 

_“Understood,”_ Lena thought, nodding. Kara looked at her for a moment, one that felt longer than it should, and then she too nodded. She disappeared in a burst of super-speed, and a few minutes later, Jessica Huang was in her place, a nameless DEO agent showing ‘Jess’ to the room before leaving silently.

 

“Jesus,” Lena said, under her breath, and ‘Jess’ smiled.

 

“Miss Luthor, it’s so good to see you. And Caoimhe! I haven’t seen you since you were a baby, sweetie!”

 

J’onn had already transformed and everyone else had left the room. Kara’s impression of Jessica wasn’t great, but it didn’t matter. As long as she didn’t look like herself, and as long as the mole, whoever it was, didn’t have Kryptonite weaponry strong enough to break her shields and take her down, Lena should be safe. And Caoimhe was protected by the strongest being on Earth. There should be no way for Caoimhe to be hurt, and as J’onn had said, if there were, they were all dead, because if the enemy had someone or something who could kill a WorldKiller, they had no other stronger defence.

 

J’onn, in Caoimhe’s form, was playing on a small hand-held gaming device, ‘Jess’ exclaiming at every point she gained and giggling with the image of Lena’s daughter. It was a little disconcerting for Lena  to know that she was the only person who was ‘real’ in this room; that anyone walking in would see her sitting with her daughter and an old friend. She tried not to seem unsettled, smiling gently at Kara’s exclamations and J’onn’s spot-on impersonation of an excited four-year-old.

 

There was a quiet knock at the door and Agent Vasquez was there, leaning against the door jamb. Lena tensed, trying to hide it. Vasquez couldn’t be a mole, surely? The woman had always been so nice to her.

 

“Hey ma’am, I was just wondering if you and the little one wanted something else to drink, or maybe a donut or two? I heard that Supergirl might have brought some in before,” Vasquez said, smiling. She didn’t look like a mole, or a murderer.

 

_“Say yes,”_ J’onn’s voice said in her mind.

 

“Of course, Agent Vasquez. That would be lovely,” Lena said, forcing a grin onto her frozen face.

 

“What about you, Caoimhe the diva?” Vasquez said, moving to ‘Caoimhe’ and tickling her, pulling a giggle from the little girl.

 

“Chocolate,” Caoimhe said, still giggling.

 

“On it,” Vasquez said, winking. She disappeared, heading off in the right direction for the commissary.

 

_“Do you think it’s her?”_ Lena thought, under her breath as she looked at her phone, seemingly engrossed.

 

“None of the regular DEO staff have been read in on what we’re doing. It’s possible she’s the mole, but I don’t think so. Her surface thoughts were benign, even playful. Unless I am very much mistaken, she is not our mole,” J’onn said, almost silently, this time speaking aloud so that Kara could hear. ‘Jess’ nodded, and Lena relaxed a little.

 

That was, until another agent stepped into the room, closing the door behind him. Lena didn’t know his name.

 

“Can I help you with something, Agent?” Lena asked, smiling up at the man. He was familiar, but she couldn’t place him.

 

“Sorry Ma’am, I’m afraid not,” he said, pulling a device from his belt and holding it up, his thumb hovering over the trigger. It was some sort of bomb, she could tell. He pulled open his DEO jacket and he had explosives taped to his body.

 

“Please,” Lena begged, throwing herself on top of J’onn, and covering what appeared to be her daughter’s body with her own.  “You can kill me, god knows no-one will miss me, but please. Leave her. Let her go free.”

 

His conviction wavered, then, and he looked at Lena with pain in his eyes.

 

“Either she dies, or my daughter dies,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

 

It all happened in a flash, after that. The agent was about to hit the trigger when his face disappeared, replaced with a red mess. Neither Kara-as-Jess nor J’onn-as-Caoimhe had yet moved, and when the agent fell to the ground, they saw Agent Vasquez standing there, gun raised, face pale with shock.

 

“I’m so sorry, I… I just got here, I should have been here sooner,” Vasquez said, babbling. J’onn transformed and went to the open door, closing it, and he did something complicated with the controls on the wall.

 

“We’re private now,” he said. “Agent Vasquez, your actions were heroic and I will personally see to it that you receive a commendation as a result. Agent Demos was clearly our mole.”

 

“Wait, you’re not… where’s the kid, Director? Because I thought she was safe in here?” Vasquez said, visibly shaking.

 

“She’s safe elsewhere, Agent,” J’onn said, crisply.

 

“I saw three agents going to the basement before, sir, and I couldn’t figure out why. Are you sure she’s safe?” Vasquez asked.

 

“Of course,” J’onn said. But he was frowning. “Which agents?”

 

“McElroy, Landis, and Duffy,” Vasquez said. “All from before your time, sir. They were very friendly with your predecessor.”

 

“They’ve never been disloyal, but… I was never able to read anything about them, not directly.”

 

“Are we going to check this out?” Lena asked, crisply. “Because I will not have my daughter in danger.”

 

“I think that’s a good idea,” J’onn said, thoughtfully.

 

_“Don’t react, but don’t reveal to Vasquez that Jess is Supergirl,”_ his voice echoed in her head. _“Just in case.”_

Lena nodded at Jess.

 

“Jess? Do you still hold that state marksmanship title?” she asked. ‘Jess’ blinked, and nodded. “Okay then. You’re coming, too. Director?” Lena looked at him, one eyebrow up.

 

J’onn retrieved several guns from a hidden compartment in the wall, putting one in his empty holster and handing one each to Lena and ‘Jess’, along with several extra magazines. Vasquez led the way, and J’onn and Kara-as-Jess bracketed Lena in between them, something for which Lena was incredibly grateful. She wanted to live for her daughter, no matter what she’d said to Demos. Throwing herself on top of J’onn hadn’t even been a stall tactic; it was just a reflex. She breathed in steadily, out steadily, and Kara touched her shoulder gently, thumb rubbing at her rigid muscles for a second. Lena breathed ‘thank you’ and they made their way quickly into the emergency stairwell and downwards. The basement level where Caoimhe was hidden was only two floors down from where Lena was.

 

As they stepped out of the stairwell and into the dimly-lit corridor they heard shouting and thumping.

 

“They’re not through the door, yet,” J’onn said, frowning. “Why aren’t the metahumans here?”

 

His answer was quickly answered as he opened one of the cell doors with a palmprint and the metahuman within was unconscious on the floor, or perhaps dead. He sighed and moved forward, making hand gestures at Vasquez, who presumably followed them. Lena followed behind cautiously, Kara-as-Jess at her back.

 

The three agents were… well, they were not entirely human. They looked to be enhanced in the same fashion as Lena’s mother’s old sidekick, the cyborg. They were trying to break through a door that looked like it belonged on a bank vault, and they were making progress with their powerful metal limbs.

 

“Will they get through that?” Lena asked, quietly.

 

“Eventually,” J’onn said. “Stay behind me. Vasquez, you’re with me. Lena and Jess, stay back until I tell you to move.”

 

They did so, waiting as J’onn and Vasquez moved forward slowly, handguns looking pitiful against the heavy enhancements the other agents had.

 

The cyborgs all noticed the DEO agents at the same time, and turned almost as one organism. Lena idly wondered how they’d managed to hide that sort of enhancement, but then she glanced at ‘Jess’ next to her and rolled her eyes. If the DEO had the kind of tech that could change the appearance of faces and bodies, then so too did their opponents. The cyborgs started forward, one of them hitting Vasquez hard. She flew down the corridor past Kara and Lena, and hit the door at the other side. She fell to the ground and didn’t move. Kara moved in front of Lena because the cyborgs had started to shoot at her, seeing half of their quarry out in the open. Kara let the bullets glance off her, shaking her head, and then she jumped into the fray. Lena tried shooting at the cyborgs, but the bullets just bounced off them, so she moved to Vasquez’s side instead, checking the woman over for a pulse. There was one, and it was remarkably strong considering what had just happened to her. Something in Lena’s mind panicked at that, and she stood up, starting to move back, but then Vasquez had her, gun pressed to Lena’s temple, one arm holding her around the middle in a grip of steel.

 

“One more move and I put a bullet in her brain,” Vasquez said, her voice rippling and changing. Lena was suddenly suspended in the grip of that arm, about five feet off the ground. J’onn growled in anger.

 

“White Martian…”

 

His voice rumbled through the corridor, and ‘Vasquez’ chuckled.

 

“Imagine my surprise to find that my former enemy wanted to hire me to kill Supergirl and the Luthor woman and her spawn. The last Green Martian I get as a bonus,” the monster holding Lena said. Its voice was hideous.

 

“You can’t kill her,” Kara said, still wearing Jess’s face. She touched her forehead gently, and suddenly she was Kara again. “If you do, you’ll never get in to kill the child. She’s the only one who can open the door. And she needs to be alive to do it.”

 

Lena managed to keep her face straight with some difficulty. She had no idea how to open the giant vault door. It was only years of practice as a Luthor that kept her expression unwavering.

 

“What do you mean?” the white Martian asked, in its vile voice.

 

“She set up the locking mechanism. It’s a complex algorithm. I can’t decode it and I was the youngest entrant into the Kryptonian science guild,” Kara said, shrugging. “But go ahead. Kill her. Like I care.”

 

“The human whose body I copied says that you do care.”

 

“Maybe before she fucked me and told me good riddance,” Kara said, indifferently. “Not so much now.”

 

Lena gasped. The Martian laughed.

 

“I do love a good hate-fuck,” it said. “I believe that is what you humans call it.”

 

“Yeah, well that’s what it was for her,” Kara said, eyes flinty. “So fuck it. Kill her, and then you can try to kill me. I don’t think you’ll find that part as easy as you think.”

 

The Martian lifted Lena by the throat easily, lifting her up, choking her slowly.

 

“What do you think, human? Should I kill you, for the amusement of this one, this world’s so-called hero? Or should I pull your arm off and make you open that door with your complex algorithm?”

 

Lena spat in its face. She would not die without showing her defiance. The creature dropped her on the floor, and that’s when Kara moved, faster than Lena had ever seen. She closed one eye, shooting out one lethal bar of heat vision that killed the White Martian instantly, and then she turned, boiling the three cyborg’s brains inside their skulls. Lena landed on the ground at the same time as the other bodies did, and then Kara was holding her.

 

“I’m so sorry I said those things. I was buying time, and I had to make it look good,” she said, holding Lena tightly.

 

“It’s okay,” Lena managed, her eyes filling with tears. Shock, she figured, because her body was trembling and she was freezing.

 

“J’onn, get Caoimhe out of there,” Kara said.

 

J’onn opened the door and Sam came out first, her pestilence claws out, chilling the whole corridor.

 

“What happened?” she said, growling, her eyes red.

 

“They’re dead,” J’onn said, looking astonished.

 

Sam looked from him to Kara, and then to Lena where she was wrapped in Kara’s arms.

 

“You killed them?” she asked, claws retracting and eyes darkening into their usual warm brown.

 

“Yes,” Kara said, chin sticking out. “I couldn’t let them kill an innocent child.”

 

“You don’t kill,” Sam said.

 

“Apparently I do now,” Kara said. No one said a thing for a moment. Then Ruby stepped out, Caoimhe wrapped up in her arms, and Lena melted into Kara’s arms.

 

“Thank you. For saving her, and me,” she breathed.

 

Kara looked at her, eyes dark and serious.

 

“Always. Forever.”

 

There was no question that she meant it. Lena’s heart fluttered in her chest, and then Ruby released Caoimhe, and she was in Lena’s arms. Kara was wrapped around them both, and Lena suddenly felt like she could breathe again after drowning. She was safe, and so was Caoimhe, and Kara was burning against her, a fire that might never go out. Lena murmured her thanks again, and then she was gone, gone, down, away into the night.


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara spends some time with Lena, and they talk some things through.

 

 

* * *

 

Lena was sleeping, and so was her adorable daughter. Kara refused to leave the room - even to pee - until Lena was conscious again. Caoimhe had been terrified by all of the noise in the corridor, but Sam and Ruby had kept her occupied with video games and headphones and she’d just fallen asleep, after all the action was done with. Lena had fainted, and while Alex had checked her over and declared her to be fine, just in need of rest. But Kara wasn’t moving. If there was another attack, she would be ready.

 

She was slowly coming to terms with the fact that she had killed four people. When she thought about it, she’d killed several White Martians before, or rather their sacred staff doodad had killed them, with Kara wielding it. But that hadn’t hit her the same way. Those DEO men – they had been her colleagues, her brothers-in-arms. She’d been to Duffy’s house twice for a barbecue, met his wife and his kids. But when the DEO went to his house after his death, they found it deserted and empty. The family weren’t real, and Rao knew where they were, now. It had all been a game for Cadmus and Bruno Mannheim and Lex Luthor, and those men, men she had trusted, had died at her hand. She didn’t know that was something she’d ever forgive herself for, but as she watched Lena and Caoimhe breathe easily, Caoimhe burrowed into her mother’s side, she decided that the guilt was worth it. These two people, these two fragile humans, they were precious, and not only to Kara. They were precious and Rao only knew what Lena would invent as she grew older. Caoimhe would excel at whatever she chose to do, too. Kara just knew it.

 

Kara played idly with the gun on her lap, senses opened out almost fully, making sure she didn’t miss anyone who might be coming to try to hurt these two. She felt Alex draw near, felt her steady heartbeat, and she smiled.

 

“How are they?” Alex asked, quietly.

 

“Sleeping,” Kara said, equally quiet. “Safe.”

 

Alex nodded.

 

“We got Mannheim. His whole crew. And he gave us evidence against Lex. Lex’s cell has been turned over, and they found cellphones and computers, weapons. He’s being transferred into the custody of the Justice League later today, and he’s going to be extradited off-world.”

 

Kara nodded, suddenly feeling a huge weight lift off her.

 

“He can’t hurt her any more, then?”

 

“I can’t see how,” Alex said. “He’ll be put in suspended animation by the Green Lanterns, and guarded 24/7 by the Justice League. There’s no way he can persuade any of them into doing favours for him. Especially not after they all ended up in that dark universe where his double made the other Clark kill his Lois. None of them will ever forget it.”

 

Kara wouldn’t forget it, either. She’d never been to that universe, but she saw how Diana and the others looked at her and Kal for a while after they returned to Earth 38. Apparently Kal’s double had gone crazy, become a dictator and killed anyone who disagreed, and Kara’s double, for some reason, had stood by him. That was why it was a dark universe, she figured. It was a good reminder of why Lex Luthor was better off incarcerated and far away from humanity.

 

Lena slept for another hour, and she began to stir, moving quietly, softly. Alex was talking quietly with Kara about their next visit to see Eliza and what they should bring, and Kara’s head whipped round when Lena’s heart rate ticked up a little.

 

“I always want to say ‘squirrel’ when you do that,” Alex said, grinning as Kara turned back to glare at her. “ _Now_ you look like Hansen. Your smile looks wrong on her face.”

 

Kara grumbled quietly, watching Lena intently. It took another three or four minutes before she was fully awake, and when she opened her eyes, it was like the sun coming up. She smiled fondly at Alex, frowned in confusion at Kara, and turned to look at Caoimhe. Then sense returned, and she pulled her daughter into her arms, staring at Kara suspiciously.

 

“Who are you and what are you doing here?” she asked, voice snapping with command.

 

Kara pressed the right section of her forehead, and her face popped back into view, Hansen’s scowl gone.

 

“It’s me,” she said, quietly. “I’m making sure you’re safe. Unless you would rather I didn’t.”

 

Lena shook her head violently.

 

“No. Stay. Please. I was just… I thought… with what happened with Vasquez…”

 

“Vasquez is in the infirmary,” Alex said, voice quiet and reassuring. “She was in one of the White Martian’s web thingies. She’s fine, but she is sickened and really, really mad that one of those fuckers used her face.”

 

Lena nodded.

 

“I couldn’t believe it was her,” she said, voice husky with sleep. “Tell her I send my regards.”

 

“I will,” Alex said, nodding. She stood up, then, and Kara looked at her quizzically. “I have lots of paperwork to do, from this morning. You can tell Lena the good news, about Mannheim and Lex and the rest.” She waved goodbye at Lena and left rather abruptly, as far as Kara was concerned.

 

“So,” Lena said, pulling Caoimhe a little closer and kissing her on the head. “What’s this news?”

 

Kara gave her the news in a quiet voice, confirming that, as far as they could tell, and a mind-reading Martian could confirm, they had all of Mannheim’s people, and that Lex was being transferred to an off-world prison where he’d remain in stasis until his sentence was done. Which meant never, as far as Kara was concerned. It was more than possible that she’d still be around after he finished off his multiple life-sentences, and she wasn’t about to allow him to breathe free air again, not so long as she drew breath.

 

Lena breathed a long sigh of relief, eyes fluttering shut.

 

“And my mother?” she asked, frowning, after a while.

 

“She doesn’t appear to have had anything to do with any of this,” Kara said, shrugging. “She’s in prison, she’s studying literature, and she’s even tutoring some of the other inmates; helping them to get their GEDs. We all check in on her periodically to make sure she’s still the one in there. So far, she’s a model prisoner.”

 

Lena nodded. Her mother, once she’d learned of Lena’s child, had softened somewhat. Lena had even been to visit her twice. While accompanied by members of the NCPD, of course, to ensure that she couldn’t be accused of anything. Maggie Sawyer, she of the previously engaged to a Danvers, had come along with her partner on both occasions to ensure there was no funny business, and she had signed an affidavit afterwards to confirm that Lena Luthor was never close enough to her mother to hand over any piece of equipment that may have aided and abetted in any escape attempt. Luckily, Lilllian didn’t attempt to escape, either, so that made their preparations moot.

 

It never got easier to see her mother in prison orange, but somehow it was better than seeing Lex in those jumpsuits. Knowing that Lex was going to be gone, that she was finally going to be safe from him? It didn’t seem real. She wasn’t sure she’d ever really be able to really relax, even with that knowledge. She was so used to living in a state of perpetual wariness that she wasn’t sure if she’d ever be able to let it go.

 

“Are you okay?” Kara asked, and Lena realised she’d been out of it, staring at the wall for god only knew how long.

 

“Yes,” Lena said. “Sorry. Big news. It’s… a lot to take in.”

“I understand,” Kara said softly. “Would you like me to go? You’re well-guarded – I know it doesn’t look like it, but there are metahumans and cloaked agents every few steps out there. No-one is getting in here who shouldn’t.”

 

Lena looked at her, wide-eyed, and Kara began to move, gathering her empty coffee and water cups. She took a mental inventory of the guards nearby, and decided she’d wait at the far end of the corridor, just to monitor Lena and Caoimhe’s heartbeats. Just close enough, but also far enough away.

 

“Kara, darling. Please. I would really like you to stay. I think I’m still in shock, a little.”

 

Kara turned back, confused. Did Lena really say she wanted her to stay?

 

Lena was looking at her, a tiny pout on her face. As always, Kara was powerless before that pout, and she nodded, confused, before sitting down again, rearranging herself a little and switching her face back to Agent Hansen’s.

 

“Sorry about the face; it’s just in case anyone is still out there. This way they won’t be expecting Supergirl,” Kara said.

 

“Of course,” Lena said, tilting her head slightly. “Do you wear that a lot, the face-changer?”

 

“This week was only the third time,” Kara said, leaning back a little into her chair, relaxing. “I had to deal with an assassination attempt on Cat Grant, actually, so I stayed at the White House and pretended to be her assistant. It wasn’t really pretence, actually. It was the busiest I’ve been since I was her actual assistant,” she said, rolling her eyes a little. “The Editor-in-Chief at a crappy news outlet wanted to get back at her for disproving their conspiracy theory. They tried to kill her and her son on a trip to Uganda. The assassins didn’t succeed, obviously, but the President sent me in to help and I was able to keep her safe and get the assassins. They gave up the editor right away in return for less jail time. And then there was the time when someone tried to out my cousin. That was a weird one.”

 

Lena raised an eyebrow.

 

“I’m intrigued,” she said, smiling. “How did you manage that?”

 

“There’s another device that Brainy designed, to go along with this one,” Kara said, tapping her face. “It basically works as a shape-shifter. I had to change into Superman, while he was his normal self. He even carried Kryptonite around with him for a week or so, in case anyone tried to hurt him to prove he was Superman. He got winged by a gun shot. I had to time my arrival as ‘Superman’ down to the last second, to make sure it only winged him and didn’t kill him. But… I mean, it made me into a carbon copy. Down to…”

 

Kara pointed to between her legs, grimacing.

 

Lena started to laugh, first lightly and then loudly. Caoimhe shifted uncomfortably and Lena quietened down.

 

Kara gave her a mock-glare and then continued.

 

“Anyway, being taller was really neat, but the rest of it was… weird. I had to like, stay in his body the whole time. Dealing with the, um, bathroom? That was not something I’d ever like to repeat. And mornings… oh, Rao…”

 

Kara could feel herself blushing furiously, and Lena was holding back laughter with difficulty, she could tell.

 

“I remember reading that news report about Clark Kent, and someone trying to out him. I did wonder how he’d managed to throw people off. I thought it was J’onn, at first, but then there was footage of him in National City at the same time Superman and Clark Kent were caught on video together.”

 

Kara looked at her curiously for a second, but then smiled.

 

“Well, there you are. It was me, the whole time. Super-uncomfortable, but still me.”

 

Lena snorted at that, and Kara reddened a bit more before falling silent.

 

“So, look,” Lena began, looking down at her hands, wrapped around Caoimhe’s little body and joined in the middle. She flexed her fingers nervously. “I think we have some things we need to talk about. I know that I have some things that I’d like to speak to you about, if you’re willing. Including… including what you said, to the White Martian, before.”

 

Kara felt herself pale at that.

 

“I… I’m so sorry, Lena. I didn’t mean anything by that, you have to know that. It’s just… I think Susan knew, about what happened that last night. She never said anything, but I know she is responsible for base security, and if anything was caught on camera, she would have seen. It was… it was a calculated risk, because the Martian would have known anything Susan knew. It was to try to delay him from hurting you, that was all. I swear…”

 

Lena held up a hand, her face still.

 

“Kara, I don’t blame you for a word you said. It was all true,” Lena said, quietly. “But I _would_ like to talk about it. I did and said some things I’m not proud of, and I gather, since you called me to your deathbed to apologise, that you have some regrets about what happened back then too. I thought maybe, if you had time, that we could talk. When little ears aren’t listening in.”

 

She tickled Caoimhe a little, and her daughter started giggling. Kara laughed, too. She hadn’t even noticed the little minx waking up.

 

Time passed pretty quickly for a while, as Alex returned, and Winn did too, and they played an impromptu game of Pictionary, which Kara and Caoimhe won conclusively. It was silly and fun and it felt like family, and when Kara realised that, she could have kicked herself. She should have done _anything_ but let herself feel that way. Now she was going to _want_ this feeling, and she’d tried very hard to clear out that space in her that had once been filled with want. Want for a lover, an equal, a partner. Children. A new generation of Kryptonians. Six years back, after breaking her best friend’s heart and her own, she’d put those wants to one side and had focused on the here and now, on the work she had to do as both Kara and Supergirl, on the people who already loved her. She sighed quietly, and tried to let go of the joy that was filling her in that moment, only to have it all dashed when Caoimhe climbed into her lap and demanded that Supergirl tell her a story. Joy suffused her entire being once again, and she resigned herself to wanting this, wanting a family again. It might take a while, but she would fight that desire away again if she had to. She kissed the top of the little girl’s head and told her a Kryptonian fairy tale about a little girl who ran away from home and met a dragon and flew around the planet and had adventures with her pet butterfly fish, Rhila. Caoimhe was delighted with it, and from the rapt looks on the adult’s faces, they too were fascinated by the adventures of Kanyl Der-To, the daughter of one of Krypton’s oldest families (other than the Els, of course.)

 

Caoimhe fell asleep in her lap a little while after that, and Kara stared down at the precious little thing she was holding in her arms, eyes wide. When she looked up, Lena was watching them both, an unreadable look on her face. Kara looked away, her heart too fragile to even consider what Lena might be thinking. If it was that she didn’t want Kara around her daughter, then Kara would just have to cope with that. It was understandable, after everything. Kara lifted Caoimhe from her lap as gently as she dared and set her just as gently on Lena’s lap before mumbling an excuse about hearing sirens, and then she flew off at super-speed, hiding in a room at the end of the corridor and berating herself. She couldn’t get involved, couldn’t care for or love anyone else, because all she ever did was hurt other people with her unintentional manipulations, with her untruths and lack of awareness of how she affected others. It was better if she stayed isolated as she had been for these last few years, she told herself. Distance was better; it kept others safe from her and her safe from too much hope. Too much hope could break a soul, she knew. She just had to rein it in, remember who she was, remember how she’d come to be in this position in the first place. Remember how much she’d hurt Lena with her deceit. Remember how much she’d screwed up through jealousy, over wanting someone who would never want her back. She took deep breaths, praying quietly to Rao and meditating, and a while later she was strong enough to go back into the room and tell Lena and Caoimhe she was going home for the day.

 

Caoimhe ran at her again and hugged her, and Kara hugged her back for a second, letting the little one go without lingering. She didn’t want to upset Lena by being too familiar. She nodded at Lena, who was watching her curiously, and then she retreated.

 

She was a few steps away from the door of Lena’s room when she heard Lena come after her, her heart thumping harder than it had been a few minutes before. She turned, ensuring that she was respectfully distant, and smiled slightly.

 

“Why are you leaving?” Lena asked, arms crossed over her chest defensively.

 

“I… you’re being well-protected. I didn’t want to force my company on you, and there was that emergency before…” Kara said, adjusting glasses that weren’t there. She rubbed at her eyebrow instead, finding herself suddenly exhausted.

 

“I know there was no emergency before,” Lena said, quietly. She stepped forward and rested one hand on Kara’s arm. “Is it because I said we should talk? I do want to, but I won’t force you, Kara. I’ve put you through a lot, I know.”

 

Kara stared at her incredulously.

 

“You’ve put _me_ through a lot?” she asked, voice breaking. “You… I lied to you for over two years, Lena. I broke your trust and I went behind your back and asked your boyfriend to break into your vault, all the while pretending to be two different people to your face. You… you don’t owe me anything, Lena. I should be begging for your forgiveness on my knees.”

 

Lena looked at her, head tilted in confusion.

 

“If you’re going to take to your knees and beg, I should be grateful at least that you’re not in that short skirt anymore,” she murmured. “Look, I don’t really understand what you’re saying, Kara. Like I said, I won’t force you, but I was hoping we could talk things out. I… I have missed you, and I want to talk to you properly. But only if it’s what you want.”

 

Kara looked at Lena, seeing nothing but sincerity in her eyes.

 

“I… I’d like that,” Kara said. “If you still want to.”

 

Lena nodded.

 

“That’s settled, then. Your place, takeout? Or would you prefer a restaurant?” Lena asked.

 

Kara looked at her in confusion.

 

“You mean now?”

 

“I do. I checked with Alex and J’onn and they’re happy that I’m safe with you, and Caoimhe will be more than safe here with Sam and Ruby and J’onn, to name but a few of her babysitters. So, Supergirl. Are you up for a talk with an old friend?”

 

Lena tilted her head again, and bit at her lip ever-so-slightly, like she always did when she was uncertain, and Kara sighed.

 

“Sure,” she said, defeated. “You want to go say goodnight to Caoimhe? I’ll go change.”

 

Lena nodded.

 

“Don’t stand me up, Supergirl,” she said, and from the faint tremor in her voice, Kara realised that she really thought that Kara might not wait for her. Shaking her head in disbelief, Kara shot in and out of the DEO showers, dressing in DEO blacks, and she was back in the corridor waiting for Lena less than 30 seconds later, fresh and clean.

 

Lena came back out into the corridor a few minutes later, and she smiled, unrestrained, as she saw Kara waiting for her.

 

Kara waited for Lena to reach her and then turned, offering her arm chivalrously. Lena smiled and took it, and they made their way out of the parking exit, Kara grabbing Alex’s car and driving them both to her apartment. Alex was staying at the DEO until the situation with Lena was finalised and signed off as resolved, so she didn’t have to worry about stranding her sister. She worried briefly that her apartment wasn’t clean and tidy, but it was more likely to be empty and dusty than untidy, and she figured she could just clear up the dust and it would be fine. Probably. She didn’t spend much time at home these days, preferring to be out as Supergirl or working on a deadline with Snapper.

 

She asked Lena to give her a second before stepping inside the apartment, and she cleared the space up with a burst of super-speed, opening the windows to let in fresh air and spritzing the apartment with a delicate mandarin-scented room spray. By the time Lena stepped inside, the apartment was bathed in the warm glow of the lamps, rain falling softly outside and soft music playing from the sound system in the corner.

 

They decided on Thai takeout, and Lena frowned when Kara turned down potstickers. They had lost their appeal for her after Lena left; they used to joke about Kara’s addiction to the treats, and she’d tried to eat them after Lena had gone, but they just didn’t taste right. She ordered a couple of vegetable dishes, knowing that most of them would end up in her fridge for a few days. Lena ordered a few of her favourites, and Kara smiled at the reminder.

 

“So, how have you been?” Lena asked, leaning her head against her hand, elbow holding her up as she watched Kara intently. Kara noticed the way her hair moved in the delicate breeze coming from outside, and made herself look away immediately.

 

“Busy,” Kara said, shrugging. “You know. My job is time-consuming, and so is my other job. I don’t get out much, but I like to think I do some good in each different role.”

 

Lena looked at her intently.

 

“I think you do more than ‘some good’, Kara,” she said, frowning. “You saved my daughter’s life not 48 hours ago. You prevented the worst possible thing from happening to me. My daughter is alive right now, getting to know her uncle J’onn and Aunt Alex and Ruby and Sam, instead of being measured for a coffin. That’s not ‘some good’, that’s _everything_ good.”

 

Kara smiled, a practised movement of her lips. She was aware that it didn’t reach her eyes, but it was the best she could do.

 

“I’m glad I could help,” she said, quietly. “And what about you? Alex has kept me up-to-date with your inventions. You’ve changed the entire world, Lena.”

 

Lena blushed prettily, and she stared down at her hands for a moment.

 

“After L-Corp, I wanted to do something simple. Something where there was no possible room for misinterpretation as to my intentions. Philanthropy, medicine, the transmat portals. It was all simple. I could decide on what I built, and I didn’t have to wrestle a board and investors into agreeing. It’s been pretty amazing, actually.”

 

“You should be very proud,” Kara said, quietly. “It’s great to see you doing so well.”

 

They fell silent, then, and the doorbell rang. Kara buzzed the delivery person in, grabbing the takeout a few minutes later, and she served up Lena’s food first, and then her own. She ate most of the first meal she’d ordered, but left the rest in the kitchen to cool before she could put it in the fridge for another day.

 

“You don’t seem to eat as much as you used to,” Lena commented quietly. “Has your calorie intake decreased for some reason?”

 

“No,” Kara said, carefully swallowing her last mouthful. “I have some nutrition bars and a paste that Alex makes for me. It means I don’t have to eat as much at every meal.”

 

Lena regarded her silently for a moment.

 

“It never seemed like it was a chore for you,” she said, after a moment.

 

“I guess time just got tighter, and my foster mother – she’d already made a nutritional paste for me, when I was a kid. She and Alex, they put their heads together, and they came up with the bars. I have a couple each day, and I eat normal meals now when I have to,” Kara said, dismissively. “It saves a lot of time.”

 

Lena looked at her sadly, returning to her own meal for a few minutes.

 

Kara cleared her own plate away and took Lena’s, too, when she was done. Then she sat down again, playing with the hem of her DEO t-shirt.

 

“You still don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to,” Lena said, making Kara jump slightly.

 

“I want to,” Kara said, chewing her lip. “I want to apologise. And to thank you. You came all this way to save my life, and you ended up almost dying because of it. You didn’t have to… you didn’t have to save me. I just wanted to look at you once and tell you how sorry I was. That was all.”

 

Lena’s eyes widened.

 

“You mean that, don’t you? Did you… did you not want to be saved?” she asked, mouth slightly open.

 

“No, that’s…” Kara said, laughing a little, as if the idea was ridiculous. “Of course, I wanted to get better. I just… I wanted to apologise to you. I felt like I’d missed my chance when I woke up and you were gone.”

 

Lena’s eyes were narrowed, and she didn’t look convinced, but she nodded.

 

“Well, I’m here now, and I’m listening, like I should have done back then.”

 

Kara found herself dry-mouthed then, speechless. What… how did she even approach the immense wrong she’d done, the way she’d hurt Lena? She couldn’t think of a single English word, suddenly. She said a silent prayer to Rao, and cleared her throat.

 

“I was a selfish, jealous idiot. I hurt you badly at the end with my suspicions and my jealousy, but even before that, I had been lying to you the whole time we knew each other. I never meant anything bad by it, but I know that doesn’t matter. I still became your friend, and I told you my feelings about things, sure, but I never told you the facts about me, the truth about who I really was. I was totally unfair to you and I betrayed you and I will never, ever make up for that, I know. But I hope you know I’ll never stop trying to atone. You deserved so much better from me, and from… from Supergirl,” she said, almost spitting her alter-ego’s name. “I can never apologise enough, and I can never make it right. I know that you have Caoimhe now and you are amazing and you’ve achieved so much, and clearly this hasn’t affected you too badly, but that’s only because you’re so strong. I just… Rao, I’m sorry, Lena. I never deserved someone like you in my life.”

 

Lena’s eyes had been widening the whole way through Kara’s speech, and by the end she looked positively disturbed. Kara wondered if she’d done it wrong. Was there a different way to apologise on Earth that she somehow didn’t know about? Lena had given her this chance, and she’d screwed that up, too. She stood up, pacing, and wondered what else she could do. Was there anything she could do to make up for this, anything she wouldn’t screw up? She stopped abruptly as she felt strong arms wrap around her.

 

“Kara. Calm down, darling. You’re forgiven. You’re forgiven. Let it go. Forgive yourself, darling.”

 

Kara turned in Lena’s arms and backed away, shaking her head.

 

“No, no. You can’t… you can’t forgive me. It’s not… you can’t. It’s not right. I don’t deserve that. You deserve better.”

 

Lena stepped forward cautiously, putting one hand on Kara’s chest, right where her crest would be, were she wearing it.

 

“Relax, Kara. Breathe for me. Slowly, carefully. Just breathe. Forget everything else.”

 

She didn’t move any closer, and Kara let herself relax and breathe. She breathed how she did when she meditated, and she let her breath fill her lungs, then empty out, and fill her again. She waited until she was calm before she opened her eyes and looked at Lena.

 

“I’m sorry,” she said, automatically. “I didn’t mean…”

 

Lena lifted her hand and stroked Kara’s face, gently.

 

“Please, Kara. Relax. You’re fine. You’re here, you’re safe. I’m safe, and we’re both fine.”

 

Kara nodded, eyes wide, and allowed herself to be led back to the couch, where Lena wrapped her in one of her soft blankets.

 

“I want to say something to you, Kara, and I want you to really hear me, okay?” Lena said, looking at Kara intently, one hand up, holding Kara’s chin so she couldn’t look away.

 

Kara nodded mutely.

 

“I forgive you. I understand what you did back then, and why you did it. I was hurt. I hurt for a long time, and I let bitterness and the fear of being hurt again turn me into someone cold, and then… then I had Caoimhe. Having her changed me, and though I didn’t let anyone else in, even then, I still changed. I had joy in my life again. Colin gave me a precious gift in my daughter. And I think… I think that helped me to come around. To learn how to forgive, instead of holding onto my pain and letting it rot me from the inside out. And I _have_ forgiven you, Kara. Yes, you saved Caoimhe, but I’d like to think that… even without that, I would have come round sooner rather than later. You did a shitty thing, and we both said and did things we have regretted for a long time. But that time has passed, for me. I still care about you, and I want you to be a part of my life. If you still want that, after all this time.”

 

Kara just stared. She didn’t have words, not while Lena was looking at her like that.

 

“You don’t have to say anything now if you don’t want to,” Lena said gently. “Or if you can’t.” She said that last with a shrewd look, eyes narrowed. “Do you feel like watching a movie with me? I haven’t had real buttered popcorn in years.”

 

Kara nodded, still mute, and she flashed out and back into the apartment, grabbing popcorn from a nearby bodega which she popped with her heat vision, adding butter from the kitchen and putting it into two huge bowls. She poured a glass of chilled white wine for Lena and a lemon beer for herself, and set everything on the coffee table. It was all done in the space of two breaths, and Lena looked at her, wide-eyed, as Kara displayed her powers so openly.

 

“You’re handy to have around,” Lena said, teasingly.

 

Kara smiled slightly, blushing, and Lena chuckled.

 

They watched a silly romcom together, laughing at the clichéd, terrible dialogue, and a little later, when Kara was able to speak again, she coaxed Lena into talking about Colin, about how they got together. And they talked about Sam, how far she’d come from Reign, and Ruby, their superhero-in-training. All in all, it wasn’t the night that Kara had expected. She had expected nothing from Lena, as it happened, and this whole evening had been strange and had disturbed her isolated, work-focused life and reminded her of who she was before the whole thing with Reign and Sam and then Lena. It was dangerous to enjoy it, she thought, and part of her shrank from it just as another part wanted to lean into it, wanted to live in that relaxed, joyful moment with someone who meant the world to her. She was conflicted, and Lena’s words of forgiveness were echoing through her head, over and over.

 

“Before we go back,” Lena said, suddenly. “I owe you a huge apology.”

 

“No,” Kara said, shaking her head. “No, you don’t.”

 

“Kara, I get that you regret your actions, and I appreciate it. But I need to tell you this; I need the chance to ask for your forgiveness, too,” Lena said, patiently.

 

“You’re forgiven,” Kara said, immediately. “I mean, you don’t owe me any apologies, but if you need forgiveness, it’s yours. Everything you did – it was my fault, for hurting you the way I did.”

 

Lena sighed quietly and moved closer to Kara, taking her hand. Kara swallowed back a gasp with difficulty.

 

“I want to tell you something. I would appreciate it if you would let me,” she said, eyes searching Kara’s.

 

Kara nodded dumbly.

 

“What I did, back then. I mean, I think I was justified in one way, asking you to leave me alone and telling you that I didn’t want anything to do with you. It was extreme, but you did hurt me a lot, sweetheart.”

 

“I know,” Kara said, tears threatening again. “I’m so sorry.”

 

“You’re forgiven,” Lena said, insistently. “You don’t have to apologise anymore. I’m just explaining.”

 

Kara nodded miserably, looking down at their joint hands.

 

“I did an awful thing, when I slept with you, and when I said that terrible thing to you. I knew how you felt about me, and I used that to punish you, in part, and then I said… I’ve never been able to forget that, the way I sounded, the hatred in my voice, and the way you looked when I said it. I might as well have stabbed you with a Kryptonite knife, I know that. I have never forgiven myself, and I don’t know if I ever will. I can only beg you to let me try to make it up to you, somehow, and to prove to you that it was a lie. The thing is, Kara, I… I was in love with you, too. I thought you were straight, and that there was no way you would ever want me, and when you gave me that whole spiel about James liking me, I figured I would try. He’s a good-looking man, and knowing that I was never going to be with you in that way, I was trying to move on. When I realised… when I found out you felt the same way, it was kind of overshadowed by the betrayal, and I… I never consciously decided to use it against you, I promise you that. But I know that I did exactly that. Having sex with you and then dismissing you so callously, it was a way to try to hurt you as much as you had hurt me, and I am so, so sorry. I can only hope that…”

 

Kara touched her face, and Lena stopped talking, looking up at her and gasping. Kara had stopped trying to hold the tears back, and they were streaming down her face, now.

 

“You don’t owe me anything. I deserved it. I deserved worse than that. I’m so sorry for what I did to you.”

 

“No,” Lena said, and it was a judgement. “No, you didn’t. Your betrayal; that was never intentional. I mean, the whole jealousy thing, that was definitely beneath you. But keeping your identity secret was a selfish thing, a need that you had for a friend who knew you just as Kara, and as a Luthor, I can understand that. I should have understood that. If it hadn’t been for the whole Kryptonite issue, for what happened between me and Supergirl with Reign, I might have taken it… differently. But it was what it was, and while I think some of my reactions were justified, the sex, the thing I said – that wasn’t, Kara. It wasn’t okay. And I won’t have you dismissing it. I know how much I hurt you because I saw your face, darling. So please don’t tell me it’s okay. If you want to forgive me, that’s fine. It’s your choice to forgive, or not. But don’t tell me it wasn’t a shitty thing I did, because it was. It was petty and vindictive and I have regretted it every day since.”

 

Kara couldn’t speak, so she just pulled Lena closer, tears still streaming down her face, and Lena took the hint and wrapped Kara up in her arms, where she cried it out, letting that pain wash away with the realisation that Lena was sorry for saying it, that she had been lashing out, that she’d used Kara’s own feelings against her. Kara knew she’d blamed herself for everything that happened between them, but to know that Lena was sorry for saying that, to know that she had cared for Kara back then in the same way Kara had cared for her – it made it all feel less bitter, less vile, less horrible. Some of that pain was washing away with those tears, and with Lena’s arms tightening around her and Lena’s lips on her forehead. Kara stayed there in the safe circle of Lena’s arms for a long time after her tears stopped, and Lena made no move to let go. It was a safe and quiet space, and neither woman wanted to move.

 

“I think it’s probably time I went back to the DEO,” Lena said, reluctantly, after a while.

 

“Yeah,” Kara said, still not letting go. “I should probably let go of you now, huh?”

 

“Maybe,” Lena said, chuckling. She kissed Kara’s forehead again, letting her lips linger. “I really have missed you, even when I was trying so hard to hate you.”

 

“I missed you this whole time. I just knew I didn’t deserve you,” Kara said, quietly.

 

“That’s not true, darling. It’s not. We made mistakes, both of us. That doesn’t mean we can’t fix them. A Super and a Luthor, working together? We’re unstoppable.”

 

Kara laughed and reluctantly let go of Lena, straightening up to look her in the eye.

 

“Thank you. For tonight. For forgiving me. For being the bigger person.”

 

Lena shook her head.

 

“You’re Supergirl. You automatically hold the title of the bigger person.”

 

“Supergirl betrayed her best friend,” Kara said, darkly. “If the city didn’t need her, I would have retired her there and then, after everything.”

 

“You can’t do that, Kara. Supergirl is a symbol of hope. To billions. To me. To my daughter. You change lives on a daily basis. Supergirl gets to make mistakes, too.”

 

Kara nodded, but her jaw was still tight. Lena touched her face with one hand gently, massaging her tense muscles.

 

“One day you have to forgive yourself too, Kara Zor-El,” she said, softly.

 

Kara shrugged.

 

“If you can forgive me after what I did, then maybe I can too, one day,” she allowed, swallowing.

 

Lena looked at her fondly.

 

“Come on, Supergirl. I want to kiss my little girl goodnight and have a good night’s sleep.”

 

Kara nodded, a half-smile on her face at the thought of Caoimhe and her little expressive face, so like Lena’s. They made the drive back to the DEO in comfortable silence, and when they got to Lena’s room, she took Kara’s hand for a moment.

 

“Thank you for tonight. For listening to me, for allowing me to apologise. I hope that we can be friends, now, because I really have missed you. I don’t want things to be the way they were.”

 

“Me either,” Kara said, nodding. “And honestly, your daughter is so adorable. I would love to spend time with you both, whenever you have the time. It’s only a short flight, or a second in the transmat chamber.”

 

“Have you got your own?” Lena asked, guessing that the answer was no, because Kara had driven them to her apartment.

 

“No,” Kara said, smiling a little. “Snapper doesn’t pay me enough for one of those.”

 

“I’ll send you one,” Lena said, clearly impulsively. “Then you’re only a second away from us, if you need us.”

 

Kara shook her head, shuffling her feet.

 

“I couldn’t accept that. There are so many other people who need one more than me, and I can fly, Lee.”

 

“Still. I’m sending one. You can fight with my engineers if you want, but they’ll still install the thing, whether you like it or not. We have a scheme for those who can’t afford one, anyway. Hundreds of people in cities all over the world get a free one every week. The manufacturing costs are offset by the profits from those who buy them outright.”

 

“You’re a really good person, Lena Luthor,” Kara said, shaking her head. “I don’t know how anyone could ever suspect you of being anything other than a hero.”

 

Lena laughed. “Plenty of people still hate me, Kara. But if I can make amends for my family’s actions, even in a small way like the transmat portals, or if I can somehow manage to get Biomax working, then I will have done some good.”

 

Kara squeezed her hand.

 

“You’re my hero, Lena. Always have been, always will be.”

 

Lena grinned at her, and then she leaned up and kissed Kara’s cheek before disappearing, throwing a ‘good night’ over her shoulder.

 

Kara stood in the corridor for a good ten minutes, one hand on her cheek, until one of the nearby cloaked agents shuffled their feet and startled her. She shot off at super-speed, blushing, and she heard laughter behind her from the agents guarding the Luthor women. Her cheeks were still flaming when she arrived back at her apartment.


	7. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena goes back home to Zürich, and Kara comes for a visit.

 

 

* * *

 

Kara was sitting opposite Lena, still in her guise as a blonde female agent with stern features and an unusual piece of tech where her eyebrow should be. She was silent, stoic, but Lena could tell that she didn’t want Lena to go. Or Caoimhe, for that matter. Caoimhe was asleep in her lap, and Kara was absently scratching at the little girl’s scalp, Caoimhe’s head resting on her arm.

 

“It’s not goodbye,” Lena said, impulsively.

 

Kara looked up, startled. It was so strange to talk to her while she wore someone else’s face.

 

“I know,” she said, smiling. It was an unconvincing effort at best, her smile, and Lena rolled her eyes.

 

“I told you that I want to stay in touch, Kara. And I meant it. Caoimhe won’t be happy if she doesn’t get to see you regularly, and despite my better judgement, I usually give in whenever she pouts. And I have missed you. I _want_ to see you. So please, stop worrying.”

 

Kara nodded, biting her bottom lip, chewing on it, a little nervously.

 

“By the way, your transmat portal will be installed tomorrow, after work. I called Snapper personally and told him that you were needed at home by 6.30pm and if he didn’t let you go in time, I’d come and visit.”

 

“Oh, wow. He didn’t give you any crap, did he?” Kara winced.

 

“Folded like a cheap suit. I may have threatened to buy CatCo again, for the sole purpose of having him as my subordinate again. He did _not_ enjoy my previous time as the CEO, I can assure you,” Lena said, grinning wolfishly.

 

“That’s the Luthor in you, right there,” Kara said, fondly. “I almost feel sorry for Lucas.”

 

Lena’s eyebrow went up.

 

“You call him Lucas, now?”

 

“He’s actually a good man,” Kara said, shrugging. “It just takes a really, really long time to get through to that part of him. Like, 7 or 8 years, minimum. And he’s only starting to warm to me, really. He only calls me blondie like, once a week now.”

 

Lena chuckled.

 

“You always have such a nice way of looking at people. I never would have had the patience to get that close. I would have taken him at the first impression he gave, which was a sulky old curmudgeon, a misogynist who wanted to break down a strong young woman.”

 

“You still remember that, huh?” Kara said, thoughtfully. “I haven’t thought about that day for a long time.”

 

“Well, it was my first time seeing Jack for years, so… it stayed in my mind. Plus, I had the best reporter in National City there with me. How could I forget that?”

 

Kara blushed, and it looked all kinds of wrong on Agent Hansen’s face.

 

“You… stop. You’re too sweet.”

 

“It’s just the truth,” Lena said, shrugging. “Ask anyone. Ask Cat Grant.”

 

Kara shrugged uncomfortably.

 

“Cat has always been a friend. I don’t think that counts.”

 

“Are you honestly telling me that Cat Grant would allow her relationship with any person to cloud her professional judgement?” Lena asked, one eyebrow up. She packed Caoimhe’s stuffed toy collection, which now included a Rambo-esque figure from Build-a-Bear (from Alex), a Supergirl plushie (from Sam) and a Lady Justice action figure, which Ruby had bought for the sole purpose of embarrassing her mother.

 

“You have a point,” Kara said, sighing. “But I still think there are better reporters out there.”

 

“Name one,” Lena said, absently.

 

“Lucas Carr,” Kara said, immediately.

 

“Name one who’s currently active in National City, one who has broken more stories than you have, one person who has reported completely impartially on the news while also standing up for the rights of all people in this city in her impassioned editorials.” Lena grinned. “I’ll wait.”

 

There was a frustrated sigh from behind her, and she chuckled as she zipped up the small suitcase she was taking home with her.

 

“Toldja,” she said, sticking her tongue out at Kara, who rolled her eyes.

 

“Fine. I accept your compliment, reluctantly.”

 

“Finally,” Lena said, spreading her hands and laughing. “Now. I have to wake that daughter of mine and then we’re going home. We need a few days’ R&R from this ‘holiday’ we attempted.”

 

Kara nodded, smiling a half-smile that betrayed her mixed feelings on the subject.

 

“Come for dinner on Friday,” Lena said. “It’ll be lunchtime for you, I guess, but come for dinner. If you can get the afternoon off, you can stay and see some of Zürich over the weekend. But no pressure.”

 

Kara looked up sharply, blinking.

 

“Really?” she asked, voice small.

 

“Really,” Lena confirmed. “I want you to see my home, see the lab, see where we live and what we do. And with the new portal being installed, you won’t have any excuse not to come by.”

 

Kara stared for a moment, but nodded.

 

“I would love to. Thank you.”

 

Lena smiled.

 

“Come here. I need a hug before I go.”

 

Kara smiled, lifting Caoimhe gently from her lap and placing her on the bed, where the little girl whined a little and then snuffled into the covers, going straight back to sleep. Lena wrapped her arms around Kara, squeezing her as tightly as her human strength would allow, and she took in Kara’s scent as she did so. She was going to miss this. She had always liked National City. She’d enjoyed living here. But Zürich was her home, now. She hoped that Kara wanted to see her as much as she wanted to see Kara, that they could be friends, that they could maybe help each other to heal.

 

***

 

As promised, Kara’s apartment had been fitted with a transmat portal, one that discreetly hid in the back corner of her apartment, behind a secure door, and was fully set up for travel to any section of the world. Some portals were set only for travel within the country or even the city, in order to save energy costs across the globe. Those who had a restricted portal were able to apply for special permissions for holidays and the like. It was a responsible use of energy, and it was replacing other types of travel at an exponential rate, slowing down the rate of global warming. Lena had been quoted many times, hoping that the use of the transmat portals could stop global warming in its tracks, if those states and countries who had banned the technologies would just accept that the Daxamites weren’t going to use them as a stealth method to return to Earth. Not that they could live on Earth, anyway, since the atmosphere was still seeded with lead. 

 

Kara was practically vibrating with energy. She had finished all of her work an hour early, and Snapper had let her go with a grimace, watching her smile and bounce on the soles of her feet with barely-concealed annoyance. She wanted to go through the portal now, to drop in on Lena early, but she was pretty sure their new relationship, whatever it was, wasn’t ready for that. She was rocking back and forth on her heels impatiently when her phone buzzed with a message. From Lena.

 

_Did Snapper let you out early as promised? If you happen to be free right now, Caoimhe is ready to explode with excitement, and wants to play on her Playstation VR with her favourite superhero._

Kara nearly exploded with joy herself.

 

_I would love to. Am I coming as Supergirl, though, because I didn’t realise?_

The reply came quickly.

 

_I told her you would be in plain clothes. But you can leave off the glasses, and maybe – if you have it – you could wear something with the El crest on it?_

Kara considered for a moment, and then smiled.

 

_I think I can manage that._

Alex had bought her a cool red leather jacket a few years back, one that bore her crest proudly, with an asymmetrical zipper that reminded her of Kryptonian design. She slipped it on over her outfit, which was a dark blue shirt and lighter blue jeans, and nodded to herself in the mirror. She looked pretty okay, she thought, as she removed her glasses and brushed out her hair a little. Supergirl on the go.

 

_Dressed and ready. Permission to come aboard, Cap’n?_

_Come on, you dork._

Kara smiled, tapping in the transmat address that Lena had given her, and then she stepped through the void and into a small transmat room, decorated in soothing colours. The door opposite the portal opened, and Caoimhe bombed through it and dived into Kara’s arms.

 

“Supergirl! You’re really here! I thought Mummy was telling me a lie!”

 

Kara chuckled.

 

“Why would your Mummy do that? I heard she’s not fond of lying.”

 

Caoimhe considered that, looking up at Kara thoughtfully.

 

“Mummy doesn’t like lying. She says it makes people feel bad and that if it makes others feel bad, I would feel bad if people lied to me. She’s right. Once my friend Inge told me that she bought me a present and then later she said she was lying. It made me sad.”

 

“So, we’ve established that Mummy wasn’t lying, and that lying is probably bad. What do you think?”

 

Caoimhe considered again before nodding.

 

“Good. Well, it’s very nice to see you, Caoimhe. How have you been?” Kara asked, mock-sternly.

 

Caoimhe began telling her about her last few days, about how her daddy had visited and they went for ice cream. Kara questioned her carefully about the flavours, and made a mental note to go to this ice cream shop to try the Snickers ice cream, the M&M flavour, and the chocolate-honeycomb mix.

 

They walked into a huge living space with massive couches and armchairs along with bookcases and chests and a beautiful piano next to the window. The kitchen was professional-looking, beautiful, and contained the most beautiful thing Kara had ever seen. Lena Luthor, in an apron, stirring a pot of something-or-another and smiling softly at the sight of Caoimhe and Kara talking so animatedly.

 

She stepped out from behind the cooking area, taking off her apron, and she came straight to Kara, hugging her tightly.

 

“I missed you,” she breathed, and Kara smiled.

 

“I missed you too.”

 

“I missed you too, Supergirl,” Caoimhe piped, and both women smiled, trying not to laugh. Lena dipped down to pick up her daughter, squeezing her tightly.

 

“I missed you too,” Kara said, leaning forward to kiss Caoimhe’s cheek. “Now, tell me more about this ice-cream?”

 

Lena barked out a surprised laugh.

 

“So, dinner’s almost ready. You two can go play, and I’ll call you when it’s time, okay?” Lena said, smiling softly.

 

Caoimhe nodded enthusiastically. Kara grinned as the little girl reached out for her, and she pulled Caoimhe from Lena’s arms, Lena pretending to hold on, and they had a giggle-filled tug-of-war for a few seconds before Lena relented.

 

“Don’t cause too much mischief!” she said, chuckling.

 

Caoimhe directed Kara imperiously to a nearby room, which turned out to be a spacious living area with a huge viewscreen on the wall. Caoimhe picked up two discreet, glowing headsets, showing Kara how to place one over her head, and then Kara was propelled into a new world of lights that were far too bright and where everything was too loud, but the virtual presence of Caoimhe next to her and the noise of her giggling from the real world buoyed Kara along as they hopped through a crazy landscape of flowers and giant, cuddly insects and a massive sun. The ran around like idiots, hopping on toadstools and riding grasshoppers until Lena’s voice broke in to their manufactured reality.

 

Kara took off the headset, shaking her head, and Caoimhe tackled her, laughing. Kara swept the little girl up into her arms, tickling her until she squealed.

 

“Come on, you two. Spaghetti and meatballs await,” Lena called from the kitchen.

 

Kara’s mouth started watering and she carried Caoimhe into the kitchen at super-speed, the little girl gasping with delight.

 

“Can I go again, Mummy?” she asked, clapping her hands in complete delight.

 

“Maybe after dinner,” Lena said, rolling her eyes and mock-glaring at Kara. “Supergirl here should know better than to rile you up like that just before dinner.”

 

“Mummy, what’s rile?”

 

Lena sighed exaggeratedly.

 

“I’ll explain later, darling. Now, come and have your dinner.”

 

Caoimhe settled into her chair, where a built-up cushion sat, and she swung her legs in contentment as her mother set out a small plate of food in front of her. Kara was served a much larger plate of food, with an extra bowl of meatballs on the side and an entire French baguette slathered with garlic butter.

 

“Wow, Mummy. Is Supergirl a greedy food-monster?” Caoimhe asked innocently.

 

Lena sniggered.

 

“No, darling. She’s an alien, and she has to eat all sorts of extra food because flying takes a lot of energy,” she said, trying to hide a huge grin, not entirely successfully.

 

“Mummy tells me not to eat too much chocolate and ice-cream because then I’ll become a greedy food-monster,” Caoimhe confided.

 

“Mummy’s probably right,” Kara said, sighing. “I can’t turn into a food-monster because I’m an alien, but I know that human children can, you see. There hasn’t been a confirmed case of a greedy food-monster in a while, though. Has there, Lena?”

 

“No, you’re right, Supergirl,” Lena gravely. “Our children eat lots of vegetables and fruit now and that keeps the food monsters at bay.”

 

“What does a food-monster look like?” Caoimhe asked.

 

“It looks like a giant belly, because that’s what you’ll turn into if you eat nothing but chocolate!” Lena said, launching a stealth-tickle on her daughter before giving her a kiss and sitting down next to her.

 

“You’re silly, Mummy,” Caoimhe said.

 

“I know, sweetcheeks,” Lena said, ruffling her daughter’s unruly black curls.

 

“Nobody can turn into a belly,” Caoimhe chuckled to herself, while cutting a meatball in half carefully with a tiny knife that was clearly made for little hands.

 

“That’s what you think…” Kara muttered under her breath, remembering a particular alien that resembling a bouncing belly and had smelled worse than anything she’d ever come across on any world she’d visited.

 

Lena looked at her with one eyebrow up, and Kara smirked. Caoimhe had heard nothing, and was jamming meatball into her mouth without much regard for whether the meatball would actually fit in the space, causing bits of sprayed meatball and sauce to splatter all over the table in front of her. Lena rolled her eyes fondly and they had a quiet dinner, talking about Caoimhe’s visit to DisneyWorld and her awesome time visiting Uncle J’onn and Aunt Alex and the amazing place where Supergirl worked with all the invisible men and the megahumans.

 

Kara smiled at that one. The girl must have overhead one of them saying metahumans. Paired with the kid’s gap-toothed smile, it was the cutest thing ever. Lena stifled a giggle, and her eyes met Kara’s, and then both of them were attacked by the giggles.

 

It was about an hour after that when Caoimhe suddenly went from 100 to 0. She had been playing on her VR game and Kara had begged off playing again, so it was Caoimhe and Rosie the nanny who were bounding through flowers and riding grasshoppers, and Kara was spared the sensory overload.

 

Caoimhe abruptly took off her headset, climbed wordlessly into her mother’s lap, stuck her feet firmly into Kara’s lap, and immediately fell asleep. Her thumb was pressed into her mouth, and seconds later she was making cute sucking noises and tiny snores. It was adorable.

 

Kara looked up to see a look of complete adoration on Lena’s face, and it made her heart stutter. Lena had never been happier, she could tell. Her beauty was now luminous, and she was clearly filled with joy. Kara sighed quietly, just happy to be there.

 

“I think she’ll sleep through now,” Rosie said, breaking into Kara’s reverie. “She looks knackered.”

 

“Thanks, Rosie,” Lena said, with a broad smile, her teeth flashing white against the dark red of her lipstick. “Have a good night, and don’t go out with any strange boys.”

 

“Uh-huh,” Rosie said. “Like I’ve ever been into boys, Miss Luthor.”

 

Lena looked at her in mock-horror.

 

“Are you seriously calling me Miss Luthor? Is it because Supergirl’s here? Because she knows I’m not that kind of person.”

 

Rosie glanced at Kara, reddening slightly.

 

“My apologies. I was just trying to give a good impression, instead of telling your good friend Supergirl about your antics when you’ve had too much wine and I put the karaoke on.”

 

Kara smiled at that.

 

“I never realised you were a secret karaoke lover, Miss Luthor,” she said, drawling out the name comically. “Maybe I’ll have to challenge you to a song or two. It’s been said that I put the kara in karaoke.”

 

Rosie looked at them both in confusion.

 

“It’s a Kryptonian joke,” Lena said, quickly. “Don’t ask me to explain it because I never get her jokes.”

 

“Fair enough,” Rosie said, brightly. “Nice to meet you, Miss Supergirl. I’ll be making a giant Irish breakfast at some point over the weekend to fix my inevitable hangover. I’ll add an extra few dozen sausages and eggs for you.”

 

“Thank you, Rosie,” Kara said, politely. “That sounds amazing.”

 

The woman left them alone, and the room was suddenly silent except for the music and sound effects for the game. Lena said a few voice commands and there was suddenly acoustic rock playing.

 

“I would have never taken you for a rocker,” Kara said, smiling at the sound of ‘Sweet Child O’ Mine,’ being reduced to acoustic guitars and a wooden drum thingie that she’d never learned the name of.

 

“I was, once upon a time,” Lena said. “I loved Pearl Jam and Nirvana and all that grunge business, and then there was the Cranberries and Garbage and Therapy and all sorts of others. Nowadays they’re all middle-aged and singing acoustic, but it suits my temperament a bit better these days, too. Plus, it doesn’t back me up very much if I tell Caoimhe not to swear and then play Eddie Vedder screaming ‘get out of my fucking face’ at top volume now, does it?”

 

Kara grinned at her.

 

“No, indeed it doesn’t.”

 

There was comfortable silence then for a while, and they watched as the television showed some views of Zürich and the surrounding area.

 

“It’s beautiful,” Kara ventured, after a while.

 

“I love it,” Lena said, pointing at a picture of the lake. “We have a tiny little cabin on the lake so we can take our boat out – not a yacht, just a dinghy, really – and Caoimhe loves to go swimming. I make her wear a life vest, of course, because I’m old and boring, but she doesn’t really mind. She’s a brilliant swimmer; been doing it almost since she could talk.”

 

“She’s a really great kid. So smart and funny and respectful.”

 

“I’ve tried my best to give her a good life, to not be like my mother.”

 

“Well, I’d say you aren’t anything like your mother, but it seems, by all accounts, that she’s turned over a new leaf. She’s helping people get their GEDs in prison, even aliens, and hasn’t made a single protest over her incarceration since… well, I’m not sure, really.”

 

“About four years ago,” Lena said. “She met Caoimhe, and I told her that if she didn’t give up the anti-alien BS, I would never let her see her granddaughter again. That’s when it all changed. I don’t exactly trust her, but I have had people watching and she really has been a model prisoner this whole time. Unless she’s been replaced by some kind of shape-shifter, I suppose.”

 

“It is her,” Kara said. “I check on her often, and so does J’onn and there are a few others out there with various abilities. It’s a human body, not enhanced at all, and her mind is still all Lillian, as far as J’onn is concerned. He says he senses real remorse. I’m not encouraging you to trust her or anything – my last piece of advice concerning your mother really didn’t go well – but I am hopeful, I guess. I think… deep in my heart I believe that she always loved you; even when she was being callous and cold and leaving you behind in deadly situations. I don’t know why, I just believe it.”

 

Lena shrugged unhappily.

 

“I don’t know if I can ever believe it. But if she sticks to the rules, if I can find no evidence that she has done anything wrong, I will let her see Caoimhe when she gets out. Under heavy guard, of course.”

 

“Of course,” Kara agreed. “You’re a better person than any of your family, Lena. Your willingness to forgive, to try and rebuild instead of destroy – you are a good person.”

 

“Thank you,” Lena said, looking a little uncomfortable. “Coming from you, that means a lot.”

 

Kara beamed at her.

 

Caoimhe grumbled when Lena lifted her and took her to her bedroom, changing the sleepy little girl into her pyjamas and putting her to bed. She was gone for about 10 minutes, and she came back into the room with a slightly annoyed expression on her face.

 

“She wants you to read to her,” Lena said, crossing her arms. “Apparently, after 4 years of demanding that Mummy reads the books and does the voices, I’ve been abandoned for some superhero who just breezed in.” She sniffed, only half-joking, and Kara stood up, wrapping Lena in her arms for a brief but crushing hug.

 

“Superheroes come and go, but your mom is always your mom,” she said, quietly. “Or your Mummy. Whatever.”

 

Lena smiled, rolling her eyes.

 

“You’re stupidly adorable, Supergirl.”

 

“I do my best, Miss Luthor,” Kara said, bowing slightly from the waist.

 

Lena made a huffing noise and followed Kara to Caoimhe’s room, where the little girl was half-asleep, but determined to get the story she was promised. Kara went to her, asking what she wanted to read. Caoimhe asked for the ‘fabulous women’ book, and Kara turned to see Lena smirking at her from the doorway.

 

“The yellow one. Fantastically great women who changed the world,” she said.

 

Kara picked up the book and opened it at the page marked by a bookmark. It was the story of Emmeline Pankhurst, one of the author’s ancestors, and Kara enjoyed the book almost as much as Caoimhe did, learning about Emmeline becoming a suffragette and being part of the effort to win British women the right to vote. By the end of the short chapter, the little girl was snoring adorably, her plushie unicorn wrapped up securely in her arms.

 

Kara stared at the girl for a moment, wondering how it was possible that reading to a child could make her feel so much joy. It was such a small act, but seeing Caoimhe’s face light up at the silly parts, and the way she hung on every word – it was just wonderful. She remembered reading to Kal as a baby on Krypton, but that wasn’t the same; he couldn’t respond. And when she reached Earth, that baby was long gone.

 

“Kara?” Lena said, quietly, touching Kara’s shoulder gently.

 

“Yes, sorry,” Kara said, standing up quickly and turning so fast that she almost collided with Lena. She grabbed Lena’s arms to steady her, apologising again.

 

“Stop apologising, will you?” Lena asked, looking at Kara intently. She was only a few inches away. “I want you here, and so does Caoimhe. What were you thinking about then, so intently?” she asked, grabbing Kara’s hand and using it to pull her along and into the living area where she sat down, pulling Kara down to the couch with her.

 

“I was just thinking… it’s like, one little tiny thing. Reading to a kid before they go to sleep, and it’s like…”

 

“It’s like as if joy was made flesh,” Lena said, quietly.

 

“Yes! That!” Kara said. “It was like joy was just… filling me up, completely. Just because she laughed at the stupid jokes in the book, and she smiled at me. I just… I remember reading aloud to my cousin, when we were on Krypton. And then things went wrong; he ended up here twenty-four years before I arrived, and I was the kid and he was the one who should have looked after me. Not that he did, in the end, but… I guess it’s something I never imagined having. And I never thought it would feel anything like…” She trailed off, realising that she probably sounded a bit weird, talking about Lena’s kid this way. “I’m sorry. I realise that probably sounds really weird, to you. I’m not like, going to kidnap your kid or anything.”

 

Lena smiled gently.

 

“You’re such a dork, Kara. I know exactly what you mean. When a child cares about you… when they focus on you, trusting you that way, it’s a powerful thing. Having Caoimhe, it… it changed me completely. I mean, Sam pointed out to me recently that I’ve been cold; that I’ve still been pushing people away. But I’ve never been like that with Caoimhe. She opened my heart up after everything that had happened to close it before. The smell of that little baby head; the smile with those gappy front teeth – she has always brought me the most intense joy. Her heart, her happiness, the cheek she gives to me when she feels like it, her stubbornness – all of it, it just… she’s my daughter, she’s a part of me, and she’s my heart and soul, Kara. She’s everything. I understand completely what you’re saying.”

 

Kara smiled nervously.

 

“I will say, though, Supergirl. If you ever harbour the desire to kidnap my kid, I will go full Luthor on your ass.”

 

Kara’s mouth fell open, and she stared at Lena’s cold, impassive face until Lena fell back into the couch, cackling loudly.  Kara leaned back into the couch, taking in a deep breath, and watched as Lena laughed maniacally, calming down in increments.

 

“Sorry. I couldn’t help myself. The look on your face…”

 

Kara made a grumpy noise, crossing her arms.

 

Lena moved closer to her.

 

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. It was just… you were so nervous-looking, like you were telling me this horrible thing, and this… confession, of yours, is that you care about my daughter and she makes you happy. You’re just… something else, Kara.”

 

Kara sighed, looking away.

 

“You’re not really mad, are you?” Lena asked, a tiny smile on her face.

 

“No,” Kara said. “But I can’t believe how much… she’s an amazing child. She’s so smart and strong and so… she’s just like a mini-you. I can’t imagine anyone meeting her and not falling in love with her.”

 

“That means a lot, darling, thank you. She’s my heart and soul, and I couldn’t love her more; I don’t think it’s possible.”

 

“You’re such a great mother,” Kara said.

 

“Thank you. I’ve always just tried to be a better mother than Lillian. I hope I’ve succeeded at that, at least,” Lena said, staring at her fingernails fixedly.

 

Kara grabbed her hand.

 

“You look at that kid in there, in her cosy pyjamas, her mom reading her favourite stories to her every night, after playing games with her mom and her nanny and eating at a table with food made for her by her mom, and you tell me that you treat her anything like the way Lillian treated you. Go on, I dare you,” Kara said, eyes on Lena’s, holding her gaze determinedly.

 

Lena stared back for a moment, before shrugging uncomfortably.

 

“I… accept your hypothesis,” she said, eventually.

 

“Really? You _‘accept my hypothesis’_?” Kara mocked.

 

“I accept that maybe I’m a better mother than Lillian is,” Lena said, nodding.

 

“Wow, you really know how to take a compliment, don’t you?” Kara said, rolling her eyes.

 

“Thank you, Kara. It really means a lot. Thank you for saying that. No-one has ever put it that way, exactly, and you are one of the only people who know we well enough, who understands me well enough to know that becoming my mother is my biggest fear,” Lena said, suddenly completely serious.

 

Kara nodded.

 

“I’m only telling the truth. Lillian as a mother was like… on a par with that skanky woman who leaves her kids at home to fend for themselves so she can go out with whatever boy-toy she’s sleeping with that week. You’re like Mother Teresa in comparison.”

 

“Hardly,” Lena said, dryly. “But I get your point.”

 

She went to grab them some drinks, a large iced chocolate milk for Kara, and a red wine for Lena.

 

“It’s nice having you here,” Lena said, a while later. They were going through Netflix, trying to decide on a show they both wanted to see.

 

“It’s nice to be here. I know that things have been… we haven’t seen each other in literal years, but I still feel the same when I’m near you. Comfortable, and safe. That feeling is pretty hard to come by, for me.”

 

“For me, too,” Lena said. “I don’t relax around many people, even now. Caoimhe, Sam, Ruby, Rosie. Other than that? Maybe Alex, if I saw her often enough. But you always made me feel comfortable in myself, and honestly I had never felt that way with anyone but Jack, before. It’s nice.”

 

Kara nodded, still looking at the screen.

 

“Could we watch that?” she asked, hesitantly. ‘That’ was a lesbian buddy-cop movie, one that Alex refused to watch because it reminded her too much of Maggie.

 

“Sure,” Lena said, eyebrow twitching a little.

 

“If you don’t want… if it makes you uncomfortable, we can watch anything else,” Kara said.

 

“No, it’s just… I didn’t think you were actually gay?” Lena said. “Bi-curious, maybe.”

 

“Pansexual, actually,” Kara said, quietly. “I never thought about it when I was on Earth, but at home, there was no such thing as heteronormativity. Everyone was bisexual, though some of the weird sects with the witches didn’t like it, and tried to make it an issue. But Krypton wasn’t religious in that way. Science was our highest calling and religion was important, but Rao never wasted any time telling his people who to sleep with and who not to sleep with. For me, it is and will always be the person, not their gender or genitals, that I fall in love with.”

 

“So, you’ve never done just casual sex? It has to come from a place of love?” Lena asked, clearly immediately regretting the question.

 

“I don’t have to answer that, if you don’t want me to,” Kara said, sincerely.

 

Lena sighed.

 

“I think I know the answer, and I think it’s probably going to make me feel really shitty, but go ahead.”

 

“I don’t want you to feel shitty,” Kara protested.

 

“It’s not your fault,” Lena said. “It’s mine.”

 

“Let’s not re-hash all that again,” Kara said. “Unless you want me to start apologising again.”

 

“No, please,” Lena said, shrinking back in mock-horror.

 

“Anyway, your assumption was correct,” Kara said. “I have only ever slept with people I was in love with. And there have only ever been two, and one was a really, really big mistake.”

 

Lena winced.

 

Kara reached over and touched her knee.

 

“I meant Mon-El. Sleeping with him was a major mistake.”

 

“Oh,” Lena said, eyes widening incrementally.

 

“You don’t need to say anything,” Kara said, shifting uncomfortably.

 

“I don’t have anything to say, right now,” Lena said, thoughtfully. “But I might, some time. I promise to tell you if and when I’m ready to talk about that.”

 

“Okay,” Kara said, nodding.

 

Lena switched on the movie.


End file.
